And in the End  Sequel to Tale of Two Cities
by dawneh
Summary: So here we have it  the final sequel in this multi part story... John Paul and Craig only have a short time apart until Uni is over and they can be together... but there are still things to get in the way of their happiness
1. Chapter 1

Craig Dean had been pacing the living room of the flat for two hours.

At first Adam had tried to be sympathetic and understanding, but after 120 minutes of Craig's sighs and mutterings his patience was wearing rather thin.

Standing in front of his flatmate to halt his progress Adam took hold of Craig's shoulders and looked intently into his worried brown eyes.

"For gods sake Craig just call the house."

"But what if he thinks I'm overreacting? What if I AM overreacting?" Craig chewed worriedly on his bottom lip and then, side stepping Adam he continued to pace.

Adam sighed in frustration. "But you're worried," he reasoned, "So call… it's not like he's gonna mind."

Craig turned to face his friend. Why was it when Adam made the suggestion it sounded reasonable but inside his own mind it sounded like a stupid thing to do?

"But what if…" he began again.

"Look," Adam said firmly taking a hold of Craig's shoulders again, "How long is it since you've heard from him?"

"Three days," Craig replied sadly.

"And how often do you usually hear from him?"

"Every day." Adam raised an eyebrow, "OK," Craig admitted, "A couple of times a day… maybe three…"

"So I think you have reason to be concerned… now call his house and find out what the problem is…"

"You really think I should?" Craig's eyes pleaded with Adam's, desperate for reassurance.

"It's probably something really simple," Adam said comfortingly, "Maybe he's just lost his phone and hasn't got a note of your number… he could be sat at home wonder what's taking you so long to call."

Craig face broke into a grin. "It could be that couldn't it?"

His smile faded as an alternative reason for John Paul's lack of contact returned to the front of his mind and he collapsed onto the sofa with a sigh.

"What now?" Adam asked in frustration.

"What if he's met someone else," Craig asked quietly, "What if he's trying to work out how to tell me there's someone else and that's why he hasn't called?"

Adam laughed. He didn't mean to but Craig's supposition seemed so unlikely that he couldn't believe THAT was what had been worrying his friend for the last two hours… for the last three days in fact.

"Oh Craig," Adam said kindly as he crouched before the man and stroked his face, "Whatever it is that's keeping John Paul from calling you it isn't THAT… there is no way on this earth he's met anyone else… you mean the world to him – you know that."

"But what if…"

"It ISN'T THAT!"

Adam took a seat in the chair opposite Craig. "Just call… for both our sanity."

Craig looked at the mobile phone in his hand as if it were an alien artefact and turned his eyes again to Adam.

"Call," Adam repeated firmly.

Craig scrolled through the names in his phonebook until he landed on the one he was looking for. "McQueens". With a deep breath he pressed call and listened as the line connected and a telephone miles away in a Chester house began to ring.

The phone seemed to ring for hours and Craig's hand began to shake he was holding his handset so tightly. Just as he was about to hang up the call was answered.

The voice on the other end of the line was breathless as if the owner had raced to answer the phone's ringing and Craig's heart sank. It wasn't the voice he had hoped to hear.

"Hello?" Myra McQueen panted into the phone.

"Oh err hi Mrs McQueen… it's Craig… is… err… is John Paul in?" Craig licked his lips nervously as he waited for her reply. He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination but the pause between his question and her reply seemed longer than was really necessary.

"Craig love… I'm sorry I should have called you. I'm sure he must have asked me to… but things have been so mad around here I totally forgot…"

"Is everything OK?" There was a tone in Myra's voice that caused Craig's earlier concern to increase, "Is John Paul OK?"

"He's… he's gonna be fine… I don't want you to worry about that," Myra's words seemed to trip over each other as she spoke.

"Going to be?"

"He's in hospital love," Myra answered in a hushed tone.

Craig felt the colour drain from his face at her words and, if he hadn't already been seated, his legs would have given way beneath him.

"What happened?" Craig whispered, almost afraid to know the answer.

"He was… attacked… beaten up… a few days ago… but like I say he's gonna be fine… in fact I'm only here now coz I'm getting him some clean clothes… I'm picking him up in a couple of hours…"

At first Craig felt numb and then the sickness and panic began to well inside of him. "I'm coming home," he said.

"There's no need for that love," Myra insisted, "I'm sure John Paul wouldn't want you coming all this way…"

"But…"

"Look, like I say, he's gonna be home in a couple of hours… why don't I get him to call you then and you can discuss it with him… I'm sorry Craig but I really have to go."

The line went dead and Craig sat motionless with the silent phone still pressed to his ear.

Adam had understood little of the conversation from Craig's few words but he understood the look on his friends face clearly enough to know that Craig's earlier worries had paled into insignificance.

"What is it?" Adam asked moving to sit beside the shaking man and taking the phone from his hand.

As Craig turned to him Adam saw the tears beginning to fall down his cheeks.

"He's been hurt," Craig told him, "Attacked… he's in hospital."

"But he's gonna be OK yeah? I heard you say that."

"His mum said so… I should be there…"

"So you're going back home?" Adam asked.

"I should… but Myra didn't think it was a good idea… she said I should wait till he calls me… why would she not want me there? He needs me… I should be there… why am I never there when he needs me?"

Craig's tears were falling heavily now and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

"If I'd been there…"

"You can't think like that," Adam said trying to wipe the flow of tears from Craig's cheeks.

"But I'm never there… I'm always letting him down…"

"None of this is your fault … you can't help what happened to him."

"Why am I never there for him? I love him so much," Craig eyes were heavy with tears and pain as he spoke, "What if… I could have lost him and he would never have known."

"He knows," Adam insisted as he took the weeping man into his arms, "He knows and he's fine and when you speak to him you'll feel better."

Craig's whole body shook as Adam continued to hold him. He had never felt quite so helpless in his life and he prayed with every fibre of his being that he was right and John Paul would be fine. Anything else would be unthinkable.

The two men sat in silence as the time ticked by. Craig had cried in Adam's arms until his tears had left him exhausted. Adam had held his friend as long as he was needed and wished every second that there had been something more he could have done, something more he could have said to take at least some of Craig's pain away, but there wasn't and he couldn't.

Craig's hand rested on the arm of the sofa just inches from his mobile phone. Every few minutes he would pick it up to check that it was working, that he had reception, that he hadn't turned it to silent by accident or done anything else that would prevent John Paul's call from reaching him.

And they waited. The silence in the room was heavy and both men felt weighed down beneath it.

The time seemed stationary and each second lasted an hour, each hour a lifetime, until Craig could hardly stand the waiting any longer.

The sudden shrillness of the phones ring made both men jump with fright causing Craig to knock his mobile to the floor. He scrambled for it with urgency seeing the word illuminated on the screen that he had been waiting for… "McQueens."

"Hello?" Craig voice trembled as he spoke.

"Hi Craig," John Paul's voice sounded weak and weary but it was John Paul and Craig almost cried again with relief.

"God John Paul I've been so worried, are you OK?"

"I'm fine really… I'm sorry my mum didn't let you know what happened… she must have forgotten," John Paul bit his lips as the simple lie slipped between them. It was better that Craig believed it was an error that had kept Myra from calling him rather that John Paul's specific instructions.

"That doesn't matter now… as long as you're OK… you ARE OK aren't you?"

"A bit sore… but yeah, I'll be fine… really."

"I'm coming home… I can't…"

"No Craig," John Paul interrupted, "There's no need."

"But I want to see you… to look after you."

"There's no need, I'm fine," John Paul insisted. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was so hard to refuse Craig when all he wanted was the man by his side to hold him and kiss him and let him know that everything would be alright. But not now, not yet, there were more important things than how he felt and John Paul knew that he had to make the sacrifice. "We've come too close Craig," John Paul continued, "Finals are only a few weeks away… you need to stay in Ireland and study… I don't want you to throw it all away… not now… we've given up too much to let it go."

"But John Paul…" Craig's voice pleaded from the end of the phone and John Paul felt his resistance begin to crumble. He could picture those deep brown eyes looking at him, desperate and filled with love.

Taking a deep breath John Paul felt the pain in his chest from his cracked ribs and he remembered there was another reason he had to keep Craig away.

"If you turn up," John Paul said slowly, "I'll refuse to see you… I mean it Craig… after finals… that's when I'll see you and not before."

Craig slumped against the back of the sofa. He knew that tone of John Paul's, it was one he had inherited from Myra and Craig knew there was no point trying to argue with it.

"OK," Craig conceded, "I'll stay here… as long as you REALLY ARE OK."

"I really am," John Paul said as relief washed over him, he really wasn't feeling strong enough to argue with Craig for long.

"So what happened?" Craig asked the question that John Paul had been both expecting and dreading. He couldn't tell Craig the truth, at least not the whole truth. Not if he wanted the man to stay in Dublin, not if he didn't want Craig coming back looking for revenge.

"I'm not sure," John Paul lied, "I was leaving the club I've been DJ-ing at and I… it was muggers I guess… jumped me from behind… didn't see it coming."

John Paul closed his eyes again as the images of the night played back through his mind. What he told Craig was partly true; he just chose to leave out a few salient facts.

John Paul had been working the new club in the town centre for a few months. He hadn't even been aware it was a gay club when he first went to enquire after work. When he had realised John Paul almost changed his mind, the image of his first visit to such an establishment had left him feeling more than a little uncomfortable. But this place had seemed different and John Paul felt confident that he would fit in, even if Mercedes had jokingly asked if he'd packed his Village People records when he was due to work there on his first night. At least John Paul assumed it was a joke, he hoped it was. Either way his response had been to throw a cushion at her head and leave without comment.

That night had been much like any other. He'd worked hard, laughed with his colleagues, drank a few beers, been paid, said goodbye to the bar staff and manager and left the club with a spring in his step.

Only a few yards down the road John Paul had heard a voice behind him.

"Oy queer."

John Paul sighed as he turned. It wasn't the first confrontation he'd had like this and he expected it wouldn't be the last. But rather than the usual round of verbal abuse he had received before, this time as he turned to face the person behind him, a fist had crashed into his mouth sending him staggering backwards.

Before he was able to regain his senses the fist had struck again, knocking him to the floor. Then there had been the feet. Kicking at him over and over again as he curled into the foetal position to try and protect himself. He had no idea how many feet there had been, how many people. It could have been one, it could have been ten but, as he lay on the ground hoping and praying for them to stop, it had felt like hundreds.

The blackness had finally given him peace. The next few hours had come to him in flashes, like someone flicking through the channels on the TV, never pausing long enough for one moment to linger or be understood. There were voices asking if he was OK. Hands touching him, helping him? An ambulance. The clean white of the hospital ceiling. The tear stained face of his mother. And the pain, dulled by painkillers but still there.

His first thought had been of Craig. His first conscious word had been Craig's name. His first concern had been that Craig shouldn't know. He didn't want Craig to worry. He didn't want Craig to jeopardise his studies to be with John Paul. And he didn't want Craig to feel compelled to seek out his attackers, or anyone else who would fit that bill, to extract some kind of justice.

John Paul had made his mother promise not to contact Craig. Not yet, not until they knew John Paul was going to be fine. Not until John Paul was strong enough to lie to the man he loved.

"I'm so sorry John Paul," Craig voice broke into John Paul's memories, "I should have been there to protect you."

"And soon you will be," John Paul replied a little wearily, "Soon it will be us always… but you just make sure you get that degree and make me proud."

"I promise," Craig said gently. He could hear the exhaustion in John Paul's voice but he was loath to end the conversation. He didn't want to let John Paul go.

"John Paul, it's time for your tablets love," John Paul turned to smile at his mother's voice.

"I've gotta go Craig… talk to you soon."

"OK… love you."

"You too."

Myra placed the painkillers in her son's hand and passed him a glass of water.

"You look tired love, d'you want a lie down?"

John Paul nodded. Talking to Craig had exhausted him. He hated lying to anyone but especially to Craig. He had to keep telling himself it was for the best. Keeping Craig safe and in Dublin was what mattered for now.

Myra helped her son up the stairs to his room. She tried the best to keep the pain from showing on her face and to keep the tears from her eyes but each time she looked at her child's cuts and bruises she felt sick.

Shouldn't the world have moved on by now?

How was it that a man could still be attacked in the street simply because of who he loved?

And why did it have to be her son?

---

Craig dropped his phone onto the sofa cushion with a sigh.

"So he's OK then?" Adam asked.

Craig nodded. "I think so… he sounded tired, but he said he's gonna be fine."

"And you're not going back to Chester..?" From the half of the conversation Adam had heard he assumed that John Paul had refused Craig's offer to go home.

"He doesn't want me to," Craig said with a sad smile, "Doesn't want me to risk messing up my finals… that's typical John Paul… he gets hurt and he's STILL worrying about me!"

Adam smiled and squeezed Craig's shoulder affectionately. "Come on," he said getting to his feet.

"Where to?"

"Pub… I think you need a drink!"

Craig raised an eyebrow. "But aren't you supposed to be meeting Catelin tonight?"

Adam paused for a second as a smile played across his lips. It wasn't that long ago that his heart and soul had been consumed with his desire for Craig. But somehow letting Craig know how he felt and getting a definite rejection from the man had freed him. He had finally felt able to move on and put his longing for Craig behind him. Not that he didn't still sometimes catch a glimpse of the man and think "if only…" But those moments were becoming less and less and Adam could only put that down to Catelin.

She had been in his class from the start and he had always thought she was pretty, if a little too serious and studious. He didn't know what possessed him to ask her out one day but he was surprised when she agreed, and even more surprised at how good that acceptance had felt.

Their first date had gone well and Adam had discovered that there was a lot more to the pretty dark haired girl than he had first thought. And if her deep dark brown eyes framed with thick lashes sometimes reminded him of someone else, well that wasn't necessarily a bad thing was it?

"Catelin likes you," Adam said confidently, "She won't mind you being there…now come on – no more arguments!"

---

"You see the thing is," Craig slurred as he tried to focus on the face of the pretty girl opposite him, "the thing is… what was I saying?"

Adam laughed as Craig tried, and failed, to rest his head on his hand and instead ended up almost falling from his seat. A few hours in the pub and Craig was becoming increasingly intoxicated and had reverted to his favourite topic of conversation.

"What's so funny?" Craig asked indignantly.

"You are mate," Adam told him, "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Talking about John Paul's eyes!" Adam turned to Catelin with an apologetic smile, "He does like to talk about John Paul's eyes when he's had a few," he explained.

"There's nothing wrong with that is there Craig," Catelin said in her gentle Irish lilt, "Not when you're in love."

Craig beamed at her understanding and attempted to remove his wallet from his back pocket, causing him to lean precariously to one side.

"Let me show you a picture of him," Craig enthused as he rocked on his chair.

"It's OK," Catelin replied placing her hand on his arm to stop him, "I've seen pictures."

"Have you?"

"Back at your flat… there are plenty of them!"

Craig's smile deepened. "And hasn't he got gorgeous eyes?"

"He's beautiful," Catelin agreed as she squeezed Adam's hand under the table.

"Beautiful," Craig murmured to himself as he rested his face on the beer stained tabletop.

"Sorry about this," Adam apologised, "But I think I need to get him home."

"It's alright, really," Catelin replied, "He's been through a hard day… I'll help you get him back."

Adam couldn't keep the smile from his lips. Without even realising it his feelings for this gorgeous young woman had grown and everyday he seemed to discover something about her that made him… made him what? Love her? Maybe he did… maybe he actually did.

Getting Craig back to the flat had been hard work as the man hadn't been keen on walking under his own steam and when he did move various unrelated items in shop windows that reminded him of John Paul were constantly distracting him.

Adam was relieved to finally deposit his friend on his bed and leave him there to sleep off the vast amount of alcohol he had consumed.

"Sorry about that," Adam said as he returned to Catelin in the living room and handed her a mug of hot coffee.

"Stop apologising," she told him as he sat beside her, "You're looking after your friend… and that's a good thing." Catelin touched her lips lightly against Adam's and he smiled at the sudden rush of adrenalin that coursed through his body.

Putting his coffee down on the small table before him Adam leaned in to return Catelin's kiss but was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

"And another thing…" A drunken Craig said as he swayed in the doorway. Adam did his best to hold back a laugh at the sight of his friend. Craig was wearing one shoe but had still somehow managed to remove his trousers and the length of John Paul's green and yellow hooded top that he had dressed himself in as he left his bedroom only just covered his modesty.

"What is it Craig," Adam asked with a smile.

"You are a great mate," Craig explained, pointing his finger emphatically at his flatmate, "Really you are… I don't know what I'd do without you… and let me tell you…. If it wasn't for John Paul there is no way I would have ever turned you down!"

Craig nodded with satisfaction and staggered back towards his room.

Adam swallowed hard as he turned his attention back to Catelin. "There's probably something I should tell you," he said with a worried smile.

---

"John Paul… I'm off to the shops, d'you need anything?" Myra's voice called up the stairs to her son.

"No I'm fine," John Paul shouted back.

"OK well the house is empty so you should have some peace to get your studying done… but DO try to take a break and get outside… you've been cooped up inside too long."

"Bye mum!"

John Paul sighed as he heard the front door closed, getting to his feet he walked slowly over and looked in his mirror.

It had been a few weeks and the cuts and bruises were fading now, soon all the external evidence of his attack would be gone. But it wasn't just the pain in his ribs if he breathed in too deeply that still lingered with him. He hadn't been back to HCC since getting home from hospital, thankfully several of his friends had been happy to call around with study notes and he was confident that he wasn't missing too much.

He hadn't been to the shops since getting home either. Or to the pub, the Loft, the Subar or any other location that took him outside his own front door.

"This is ridiculous," John Paul told his reflection. Stuffing his mobile phone in his jeans pocket he pulled on a jacket and headed downstairs.

His heart was racing as he got closer to the front door. His palm was damp as he reached for the door handle and his brow was covered in a sheen of sweat. John Paul's breaths were coming in short frantic gasps and he stood for several minutes with his hand on the door handle. He felt totally paralysed as the thought of stepping outside filled him with more fear than he had ever known.

Tears ran over John Paul's cheeks as he let his hand fall to his side. It was such a simple thing to walk outside that door, he had done it a hundred, a million, times before and now that one act had become an insurmountable task.

Sinking to the floor John Paul wrapped his arms around his trembling knees and rested his back against the sold wood of the door, his tears flowed freely as he wept. He wasn't this person; he wasn't the kind of person who let others beat him down like this. He didn't want to be this kind of person but he didn't know how not to be.

Scrubbing the tears roughly from his face John Paul did the one thing that he knew was guaranteed to make him feel better. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled Craig's number.

The phone only rang twice before it was answered.

"Hi gorgeous," Craig's voice said from the other end of the line. Two words but they made John Paul's heart sing.

"Hi yourself," John Paul said with a smile.

"What's up?"

"Nothing… just wanted to hear your voice is all."

"You missing me?"

"Always," fresh tears spilled from John Paul's eyes at the truth behind his reply but he tried to keep them from his voice, "What ya doing?"

"Down the pub with Adam and Catelin…"

"How's it going with her? I couldn't believe it when you told me he'd met someone."

"God John Paul I nearly messed it up for him the other week…"

"What happened?"

"I only got drunk and made some comment about how he'd had feelings for me… I felt awful when he told me about it the next morning."

"What did she say?"

"Actually she was really cool about it… maybe because nothing ever happened… plus it was a good opportunity for him to tell her he was bi."

"So it all worked out OK in the end then?"

"You know it really has… I don't think I've ever seen him so happy."

"I'm pleased… he deserves it…" John Paul smiled with genuine happiness that Adam had been able to let go of his feelings for Craig and find someone who could return them, "I hope it lasts for him."

"How you feeling?" Craig's question reminded John Paul of his location on the floor leaning against an unopenable door and he felt his body begin to tremble again.

"I'm fine," John Paul lied, "Studying hard… you know…"

"You sure?"

"Course… look you go and have a drink for me… I've gotta get back to the books."

"John Paul there isn't anything…"

"I just missed hearing your voice… and I wanted to tell you that I love you."

"Love you too." Craig was surprised to hear the line go dead before he had even said goodbye.

John Paul rested his head against the folded arms circling his knees and let his tears take over once more. His whole body shook with the force of his sobs as the pain, grief and anger at his situation took over him. He had never hung up on Craig so fast before but he knew if he'd stayed on the line any longer he would have said the things he promised himself that he wouldn't. He would have told Craig how much he missed him, how much he wanted him back home and how much, more than anything, he needed Craig's arms around him to let him know that everything would be alright again.

"That John Paul?" Adam asked as he placed a bottle of lager on the table before Craig.

"Yeah…"

"Is he OK?"

"I'm not sure…"

"What's wrong?"

"He didn't say but…" Craig paused as the thought back over his short conversation with the man he loved, "He didn't sound right… I'm really worried Adam… I don't know what to do."

Craig took a long drink as he considered the problem. He had promised John Paul that he would stay in Dublin until finals were over. He had promised to study hard and not even consider returning to Chester until it was time for them to be together forever. But he had also promised John Paul that he would always be there for him.

What could you do when you made promises to someone that you loved and those promises contradicted each other? Which promise should he keep?

Before he got to the end of his drink Craig had made up his mind.

----

Myra McQueen was getting increasingly concerned about her son. Every day that passed he seemed to become more withdrawn and reclusive, some days hardly stepping a foot outside his bedroom from morning to night. Whenever she tried to talk to him about it he would simply laugh and blame it on his studies, insisting that he had to work hard to get a good result and how could she possibly argue with that logic?

When she tried to confront him about never leaving the house John Paul would insist that he had been outside earlier that very same day but she had been at work, or at the shops or at any one of hundred other locations while he had been getting a dose of much needed fresh air.

Myra always knew when her only son was lying. He wasn't like her other children. For some reason her girls could lie as easily and convincingly as they breathed but John Paul always struggled with such things. He would never be able to look her directly in the eye as he described where he had been and who he had talked to, he would fidget uncomfortably and Myra would know without a doubt that her son was being dishonest, but she had no idea what to do about it or how to help him.

Since his attack he had become a changed man and the more she noticed the more she feared that she would never get her John Paul back. It made her feel physically sick to know that those thugs had not only hurt her beautiful boy but had also taken him away from her, had taken away the person he had been.

"John Paul," Myra said tapping on his bedroom door before opening it, "Could you give me a hand with the shopping?"

John Paul looked up from his books with a smile for his mother. He was beginning to feel in need of a rest and putting away the shopping, whilst possibly not the most stimulating of pastimes, was a good a distraction as any.

"Yeah OK, how much did you buy this time?"

Myra pasted a forced smile on her face. "Well I haven't bought it yet… I thought you could come to the shops and give me a hand with the bags."

John Paul's face visibly blanched at her suggestion and he quickly turned back to his books.

"I don't really have the time mum," He said trying to sound calm, "But give me a shout when you get back and I'll help you put it away."

"John Paul, don't you think a break will do you good? You've been in your room for days…"

John Paul faked a laugh as he replied. "I've been out loads," he lied, "and you DO want me to do well in my finals don't you?"

There it was again, John Paul's perfect excuse for staying inside, for staying in his room, and as usual Myra couldn't think of any reason good enough to make him leave the house.

Myra sighed as she headed down the stairs. "Try to at least take a break," she called back to her son, knowing that even if he did it wouldn't involve a trip outside.

John Paul breathed a sigh of relief as he heard the front door close behind his mother. He hated lying to her but how could he explain that the thought of going out, of so much as placing one foot outside his own front door filled him with dread. How could he tell her that the attack hadn't only beaten him physically? How could he tell his own mother that her son was a coward?

---

Myra was so busy struggling to concentrate on not dropping her shopping that she didn't notice the figure huddled on her doorstep at first. She was almost on top of him when she first noticed his presence and when he looked up she couldn't help but smile at the rich brown eyes that greeted her.

"Craig," she said with affection, "What are you doing here?"

Craig shrugged. "Just wanted to see John Paul," he explained.

"I thought you weren't due home till after finals."

"I know," Craig got to his feet and took the bags from Myra, "I couldn't keep away."

Myra pushed her key into the lock. "So how come you're sitting on the doorstep?"

"I knocked… but I guess no one is home… trust me to turn up when everyone's gone out!"

Myra frowned, was it possible that she had misjudged her son, was he actually out of the house at that very moment, she certainly hoped so.

"Well come on in Craig, I'll put the kettle on and you can tell me all about Dublin."

John Paul heard the sound of the front door and stretched in his seat. The least he could do was to help his mother unpack the shopping and maybe make her a cup of tea.

Myra turned at the sound of his footsteps on the stairs.

"John Paul, I thought you were out… why didn't you answer the door?"

"I didn't hear it," John Paul lied. He had heard the knocking at the door alright. He had heard it and it had sent a panic through him. He had heard it and he had covered his ears praying for whoever it was to go away and leave him alone. "Was it anything important?"

"You might think so," Myra smiled as she stepped to one side revealing the figure of Craig standing behind her.

"Craig!" The name rushed from John Paul's lips like a gasp. "What are you doing here?"

Craig walked to the stairs and took John Paul's hand in his own, noticing how it trembled in his grasp.

"I needed to see you," he explained, "I know I promised to stay in Dublin, but I had to come."

John Paul couldn't speak, he couldn't think. Craig was really here. When John Paul needed him most he was here. He could feel tears of relief and desperation begin to fill his eyes.

"Mum, d'you mind if I don't help with the shopping?" John Paul said quietly as he began to move back up the stairs.

Myra simply shook her head. If anything, anyone, could help John Paul now it would be that lovely dark-haired boy and she thanked god for sending him back home.

Standing in John Paul's room felt so familiar but at the same time so alien. There was something deep in John Paul's eyes that frightened Craig. A look he had never seen before. A look of fear, of loss or of something so unexplainable that it gripped Craig's chest with panic.

Touching his hand to John Paul's face Craig traced over the fading bruises. Faded now but still visible after all these weeks. Craig began to realise that the attack on his love was far more serious that he had been told and the thought that John Paul had faced it alone made his heart scream in pain.

"You should have told me," Craig said softly as his fingers still brushed gently over John Paul's features, "You should have let me know it was this bad."

"I didn't want to worry you," John Paul said trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I love you John Paul," Craig told him, "It's my job to worry about you… just like it's my job to be here when you need me…"

Without warning John Paul's resolved melted under the weight of his tears and he collapsed sobbing into his boyfriend's arms. The pain and distress of the past few weeks poured out of him as Craig held him close.

Craig moved John Paul towards the bed where they both sat down. Craig wrapped his arms tightly around John Paul's weeping frame and kissed lightly at the top of his head as he whispered words of comfort to the distraught man.

"It's OK," Craig repeated over and over again, "I'm here now, I won't let anything hurt you again."

Craig struggled to hold back the tears in his own eyes as he cursed himself for not trusting his original instincts. He should have been here sooner. John Paul needed him and he should have come home straight away. Instead he had left the man he loved to suffer alone and the very thought of the pain John Paul had been going through tore sharply at Craig's insides.

Craig held on to John Paul as he sobbed violently. He held him as he cried heavily. He held him as he sobbed lightly. And he continued to hold him as the tears passed and the man sniffled in his arms, shaking and broken.

"I'm sorry," John Paul mumbled with his face pressed tightly into Craig's chest.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about," Craig told him as he stroked the man's hair softly, "Nothing at all… don't you ever think that."

"Thank you," John Paul said as he lifted his face from Craig's tear-stained shirt. His blue eyes were red and swollen from his tears but their beauty still took Craig's breath away.

"What for?"

"Coming back… being here when I needed you… loving me…"

Craig took John Paul's face gently in his hands and touched his lips against John Paul's soft mouth.

"Where else would I be?" Craig asked him, "Who else could I love? There can never be anyone else but you… you're all that I need John Paul… all that I want… and I will be here for you… as long as you want me to be."

"You free for the next hundred years then?" There was laughter in John Paul's voice and the sound was like music to Craig's soul.

Craig wiped the last of John Paul's tears from his cheeks. "You bet," he said kissing the man again, "The next hundred, the next million… for always!"

"I like the sound of that," John Paul said as he rested himself against the strength of Craig's chest, "I love you Craig… always."

They sat together for some time in silence, holding each other, being together and needing nothing or no one else in the world.

"Why don't we go for a drink?" Craig asked as he held John Paul's hand and kissed his fingers.

"Drink?" Already John Paul could feel the familiar panic begin to rise in his chest.

"Yeah… you know… Drink… beer… the pub!"

"You mean go out?"

"Well that's generally where the pub is." Craig started to laugh until he noticed John Paul start to tremble in his arms again.

"I don't know if I fancy it," John Paul said trying desperately to keep his voice calm and failing totally.

Craig could feel John Paul's body tense, he could hear the panic rising in the man's voice and the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. The terrible look in his lover's eyes began to make sense.

"John Paul…" Craig tried to keep his tone light but the concern in his voice was evident, "When did you last go out?"

"To the pub? I'm not sure… I…"

Holding John Paul's face Craig turned the man's eyes to look at him.

"I don't mean to the pub… and I think you know that… when did you last go outside… anywhere?"

John Paul's lips began to shake with distress and relief. He knew he wouldn't be able to lie to Craig but more than that he knew that he didn't want to.

"I can't," he admitted quietly, "I can't do it… I can't face it… not since…"

He didn't finish his sentence, he didn't need to, they both knew the event that had kept John Paul hidden inside his home for weeks.

"You should have told me," Craig said with pain in his eyes. The more he learned of John Paul's suffering the worse he felt that he hadn't been there for him, that he hadn't been around to help.

"I couldn't," John Paul said dropping his gaze to the floor, "I've been to ashamed."

Craig felt an anger bubbling deep inside him. That someone hurt John Paul was bad enough. That they managed to break his spirit was unbearable. Craig got to his feet took hold of John Paul's hand to pull the man up after him.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of," Craig told him firmly, "Don't ever say that … I'm here now and we'll do this together… I won't let anyone hurt you again… trust me John Paul, everything is gonna be fine."

John Paul smiled as Craig led him from the room. The panic in his chest was still there. The trembling of his body was still strong.

But he had Craig by his side and Craig made him feel like he could face anything. Craig made him feel strong again.


	2. Chapter 2

Craig held John Paul's hand firmly as he guided him down the stairs. He could hear the man's breathing becoming heavier as they neared the front door.

Craig came to a stop and took a moment to look into the worried depths of John Paul's eyes.

"It's OK," Craig whispered quietly, "I'll be right beside to you the whole time, I won't leave you for a second." He squeezed John Paul's hand, "I won't let go for a second."

Holding John Paul in his arms Craig caught Myra's eye. She smiled at him with relief and gratitude. At last someone was here that could do what she couldn't. Someone who had given her son the courage to admit his fears, and someone who had the strength to fight those fears with him.

"Thank you," she mouthed silently to Craig. There had been a time when she had hated that boy for the pain he caused to her only son but right now she couldn't have loved him more if he was her own flesh and blood.

Craig smiled his reply and his smile seemed to say, "What else could I do? I love him."

Craig reached his hand to the door handle. "You ready," he asked the shaking John Paul.

"Not really," the man admitted.

"D'you trust me?"

"Always…"

"Come on then… we can do this… together."

"Together," John Paul echoed quietly as Craig slowly eased open the front door giving John Paul his first glimpse of the outside world for several weeks.

His grip on Craig's hand tightened as the panic rose in his chest and every instinct in his body told him to turn and run. To run back up those stairs and back to safety.

Craig tried to move forward but the resistance of John Paul's immobilising hold on his hand prevented it.

"I don't think I can," John Paul whimpered with a look of pure panic in his eyes.

Craig's heart felt as if it might break at the pain he could see in those beautiful eyes but he knew he couldn't let John Paul see it. Craig had to be the strong one this time and he had to do it for John Paul.

"It's OK," Craig said gently as he stroked his fingers over John Paul's cheek, "I'm right here remember… Just look at me… don't look out there, just keep looking at me."

John Paul's eyes shone the brightest blue and they stared unblinking into the rich brown of Craig's. If he looked only into those eyes, John Paul reasoned, then nothing else would matter. There was only love to be found in those eyes, and that knowledge made him feel safe… well safer anyway.

Without noticing John Paul took the first few steps that led him through the doorway and into the outside world. Craig's eyes were fixed on his as they moved and both men seemed to be holding their breath.

John Paul jumped as he heard the door close behind him and he spun around to see it blocking his entrance back into the house. The fear was still there, as strong as it had ever been but so was Craig and it was a close call to know which was the stronger.

"You OK?" Craig asked as they stood outside the front door of the McQueen house.

John Paul half nodded but Craig could see the uncertainty in his eyes and feel the fear that trembled through his body to the tips of his fingers.

"You can do this," Craig encouraged, "You're the strongest person I know… and the first step is out of the way… the rest will be easy right?"

"If you say so," John Paul replied doubtfully.

"I do," Craig said brushing a soft kiss against John Paul's cheek, "Trust me."

Craig curled his fingers tightly around John Paul's and smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend. "So how about taking a walk with me," he said lightly, "I've been away for ages… I need the chance to show you off a bit."

John Paul couldn't help but laugh at Craig's words. With the bruises on his face still not completely faded being "shown off" was the last thing he thought he was worth, but the look in Craig's eyes told a different story.

Swallowing hard in an attempt to push down his fears John Paul took his first few tentative steps onto the street. Craig looked around carefully to try and gauge any potential hazards as they walked slowly away from the McQueen's house but thankfully the street was quiet and the tightness of John Paul's grip seemed to ease with each step.

As they turned a corner John Paul's feet came to a halt. Half way down the street he spotted a group of four or five men standing talking outside a takeaway. There was nothing threatening about their stance but their very presence brought back memories that John Paul could never forget and he found himself unable to go any further.

"I need to go back," he said with fresh panic in his eyes.

Craig turned his gaze to where John Paul's eyes were resting and only then registered the presence of the men. He hadn't even noticed them but it was obvious that John Paul had, and there was no way he was prepared to walk past them.

"They're not interested in us," Craig said with a smile but John Paul wasn't convinced and Craig realised that, for today at least, they had gone as far as they could.

"Come on," he said turning back the way they had come, "Maybe that's enough for now… how about we get home and you make me a tea!"

John Paul laughed weakly at Craig's words and gratefully turned towards the safety of his home.

Back inside the house John Paul let out a sigh of relief but he also felt ashamed that he hadn't been able to carry on any further.

"I'm sorry," he said letting go of Craig's hand.

Craig grabbed his shoulders and held him firmly. "Stop saying you're sorry," Craig said, "You've nothing to be sorry for… I'm proud of you… getting that far… but then I'm always proud of you… I always will be… now how about that tea?"

John Paul let Craig's arms envelope him for a moment as he drank in the scent of the man, the feel of him and the love that was strong between them. He had taken the first steps and John Paul knew that with Craig's help he would be able to go much further.

---

John Paul looked at himself in his bedroom mirror. Touching his hand to his face he traced over the faded bruises that still marked him. They were almost gone now and soon there would be no evidence left of the attack he had suffered, at least no evidence that anyone else could see. But John Paul could see it. Every day when he looked at himself he saw somebody that was… wrong. In his own eyes he could see the reflections of his fears. If someone was prepared to beat him so violently simply because of who he was, of what he was, did that mean he deserved it? If so many people despised him because of who he loved did that mean he had no right to feel that love?

In his logical mind John Paul knew that those doubts were unfounded, that the problem lay not with him but with the bigots who chose violence instead of understanding. But knowing that didn't quieten his fears. And the fact that his bruises were nearly gone didn't mean they hadn't left a scar, it didn't mean that he still couldn't see their ugliness when he looked in the mirror, that he couldn't see his own ugliness.

John Paul felt the warmth of arms snaking around his waist and a head rested softly on his shoulder. He couldn't help but smile at Craig's reflection as it looked at him with gentle loving eyes.

"You're gorgeous d'you know that?" Craig breath was hot against John Paul's neck as he spoke. How did Craig do that? How did he know what John Paul was feeling, how bad he was feeling, and manage to soothe it with a few simple words?

"Well I think you might be biased," John Paul replied as he took in the glow that sparkled within Craig's eyes.

"Maybe," Craig conceded, "But it doesn't make it any less true." He turned John Paul to him and could see the lingering doubt and uncertainty still held deep inside his tender blue eyes. "You're the most beautiful person I know," Craig continued never taking his eyes from John Paul's, "And I don't just mean here," Craig's hand touched John Paul's cheek as he spoke. "Here as well," he said placing his palm over John Paul's heart.

John Paul felt a tear trickle warmly down his cheek to be brushed aside quickly by Craig and replaced with a single kiss.

"I love you John Paul McQueen," Craig said, "Whatever happens or wherever you are don't doubt that… not ever."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" There were days when it still amazed John Paul to know that Craig was in his life, that Craig loved him and wanted him and that whatever the world threw at them they managed to survive it together. There was a time when he thought that Craig Dean would break his heart and there was a time when he did. But now the thought of his life without Craig in it seemed impossible. His life was Craig and the man's love was all he needed to get through whatever else came along.

"You must have been very good in a past life," Craig joked as he pressed a small kiss to John Paul's cheek, touching his lips against the faded mark of a bruise.

Craig's fingertips ran lightly over the curves of John Paul's face, pausing at each bruise to caress it softly and leave behind a soft kiss. He hated that someone had hurt John Paul in this way, not just with cuts and bruises that were quick to heal but also with a hurt that ran much deeper and would last far longer.

John Paul closed his eyes as Craig's kisses peppered his face. Each kiss let John Paul know that he was loved and each kiss took away, in some small measure, the pain that lingered behind each bruise.

As Craig's kisses moved to John Paul's neck his hands reached for the top buttons of his shirt, slipping them open as his mouth descended.

John Paul suddenly gripped the collar of his shirt closed and stepped backwards as a fresh look of shame filled his eyes. He had hardly been able to stand looking at his own body in the mirror over the past few weeks. Where the marks on his face were all but faded, those on his chest were still deep and angry, a sign of his weakness as he had lain helpless and a reminder of what he was to have deserved such a beating. He hated the sight of his body and he couldn't bear the thought of seeing a similar look of revulsion in Craig's eyes.

"It's alright John Paul," Craig whispered, taking the hand that was clenched so tightly holding his shirt closed and easing its fingers from the fabric. "Trust me, remember?"

John Paul let his arm fall limply by his side but his heart still raced as Craig slid open each button to expose his naked chest. Craig pushed John Paul's shirt from his shoulders and dropped it to the floor. John Paul winced inwardly as he saw Craig take in the sight of him, the ugly disfigurements of his shameful body. But all Craig saw was the beautiful form of the man he loved, hurt but healing and, as Craig's eyes lifted upwards, John Paul didn't see disgust in them. He only saw love and he realised that although his heart was still racing it wasn't necessarily for the same reason.

Craig's hands stroked over the firm flesh of John Paul's chest, covering it with warm soft kisses, until there was not a mark left unkissed or and inch left untouched. As Craig's mouth journeyed over John Paul's delicate flesh he felt the excitement that he always did when he touched his lover but it wasn't his needs that were on Craig's mind as he continued to explore the warmth of John Paul's torso. It was John Paul's needs that mattered. John Paul's need to believe in himself again, John Paul's need to know that he was still the same man he had been before and that he was still the man Craig loved.

Craig's fingers moved lightly over John Paul's skin. Their touch was gentle and tender and soft… but almost too soft. John Paul caught hold of Craig's hands and smiled at him.

"I'm not made of porcelain you know," he said quietly. Craig frowned his lack of comprehension. "I won't break…" John Paul continued, "If you touch me, I'm not that fragile."

"I just didn't want to…" Craig paused uncertain of his next words. What was it that he didn't want to do? He didn't want to hurt John Paul, he didn't want to rush him and he didn't want to expect anything more than to be with him.

"I need you Craig."

"Are you sure?" Craig stroked his hand against John Paul's face, "It's not too soon?"

John Paul laughed. It was a gentle laugh that sparkled in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you Craig," he said with a smile, "But it's not my first time!"

Craig couldn't help but return John Paul's smile. "You know what I mean," he said with a grin.

The smile faded from John Paul's lips and his eyes darkened with a love and desire that made Craig's knees feel weak.

"I want you Craig… I need to feel…" John Paul stopped. He couldn't say it but still Craig understood. He needed to feel alive, he needed to feel desirable again, he needed to feel loved and more importantly of all he needed to feel that he was still John Paul.

Craig's mouth was hot as it pressed against John Paul's; kissing him hard with all the passion that he had been trying to hold back. John Paul gasped at a sudden sharp pain as Craig held him tight and pressed against the tenderness in his ribs. But John Paul didn't let go. The pain didn't matter, it was a reminder of things to be forgotten, Craig was what mattered and holding Craig was worth any pain he could imagine.

John Paul tore at Craig's shirt as he gave in to the fever that was building inside him. Buttons were scattered as the garment was thrown to the floor but neither man noticed. All they could see was each other and all they could feel was the racing of their hearts and their overwhelming need to be together.

John Paul's hands traced the enticing curves of Craig's chest. So toned, so smooth, so perfect and so unlike his own. John Paul quickly looked into the depths of Craig's eyes in an attempt to drive the doubts from his mind. He needed to know that Craig still wanted him and the look of desire in those chocolate brown eyes was all the confirmation that John Paul sought.

"Craig…" John Paul's voice was hoarse. It felt like a lifetime since they had been together and the need in him was greater that in had ever been, "Tell me that you love me."

"I love you," Craig answered without hesitation, without a hint of doubt or uncertainty. Of all the things in the universe, Craig was sure of one above any other and that was how much he loved the gentle blue-eyed boy in his arms.

"Show me," John Paul said taking Craig's hand and leading him to the bed.

Craig's hands shook as they touched John Paul. The man had been through so much, been so hurt and Craig was afraid to add to it. But the look in John Paul's eyes told Craig that this was what he needed, to be touched, to be loved and to be made to feel whole again.

Craig tasted softly at John Paul's mouth, savouring the warmth of him, the hunger, the connection that they shared whenever they were together, and a connection that lasted even when they were apart.

John Paul stepped out of his jeans as Craig eased them down his legs and climbed onto the small bed that he had slept in for so many years. A bed that always seemed small until Craig joined him in it, then the bed was as big as the universe and it was a universe that only contained the two of them.

Craig's arousal was evident as he lay on the bed facing his lover. They were silent as they lay together; their eyes locked in an unbreakable bond and their hands tracing the curves of each other's bodies. Fingers followed the familiar curve of hips and softness of thighs as eyes spoke of love and belonging.

"Oh John Paul," there was a pain in Craig's eyes and in his voice, a pain caused by knowing that this beautiful man beside him had suffered so much and suffered it alone.

"It's OK Craig," John Paul said kissing him softly, "You're here now… when I needed you… when I needed to be loved."

"I do love you."

"I know," John Paul pulled Craig closer to him, "I always know…"

Their mouths met, gently at first as tongue touched tongue, following the curve of each other's lips until the gentleness gave way to desire and passion and the kiss deepened with the growing need of their bodies.

John Paul held Craig's body tightly against him as they kissed, the sharp pain in his ribs masked behind the warmth of Craig in his arms and the pressure of Craig's erection brushing against his own. The movement of their bodies as they breathed caused a gentle friction between their cocks that made them both desperate for more.

Craig slipped his hand between them and stroked lightly over the length of John Paul's cock, making the man sigh softly into his mouth at the touch and push his tongue deeper into Craig's hot mouth. Craig's fingers curled around the firmness resting against his palm, moving his hand from base to tip, slowly and firmly as John Paul's tongue delved into the depths of his mouth.

John Paul held Craig as tightly as he could, desperate to be close to him, unable to bear the thought of a single inch of space between them but the growing pressure against his damaged ribs caused John Paul to pull back with a gasp of pain.

Craig's concern was instant as he got to his knees and cupped John Paul's face in his hands with worry in his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked desperately, "What's wrong?"

John Paul smiled through the sharp pain and turned his face to kiss the hand resting against his cheek.

"Don't worry," he said, "Just a couple of broken ribs… I should have been more careful!"

"Broken ribs?!" Craig couldn't believe that there was still more to John Paul's suffering he didn't know about, "You should have told me…"

"It's fine… they'll heal… really…"

Craig shook his head. "You never fail to amaze me John Paul McQueen… so now broken ribs are nothing!"

"I didn't want… I didn't want it to come between us… I want you Craig… I need you… nothing is more important than that."

"YOU are more important… I can't have you hurt John Paul… I can't stand it."

John Paul pulled himself upright until his back rested against the headboard and then he slipped his arms around Craig's neck, pulling the kneeling man towards him.

"You'll just have to be gentle with me then," John Paul teased as he brushed Craig's face with feather kisses.

Craig laughed at John Paul's teasing tone and returned his kisses with fervour but at the same time knew that, as light as John Paul's words had seemed, it was something he needed to take seriously.

John Paul tried to pull Craig closer to him again but Craig held back for fear of causing the man more pain, as much as he wanted to make love to John Paul he wanted to protect him more.

Craig slipped from the circle of John Paul's arms and resumed his earlier position on the bed, encouraging John Paul to join him until they were once again lying face to face with their breaths mingling hotly between them.

Craig kissed at John Paul's mouth, his face and his neck, moving slowly downwards he touched his lips gently against John Paul's damaged ribs and circled his tongue around John Paul's hardening nipples. John Paul's eyes were closed as he relished the feeling of Craig's lips and Craig's tongue, touching him, tasting him and exploring him, driving him crazy and making him ready to beg for more.

"Craig please…" John Paul's breath was heavy and his words came in gasps as Craig's mouth continued to tease him, "If you don't make love to me soon…"

Craig's mouth returned to John Paul's lips in a kiss so heavy with desire that all reality seemed to melt between them.

"I want you John Paul… so much I can't even explain… are you sure that…"

"Do you want me to beg Craig? Coz I will…"

"That might be fun," Craig said mischievously as he leant over the side of the bed to fish a bottle of lube from the bedside cabinet, "Maybe another time."

Craig turned John Paul from him and ran his hands over the smoothness of the man's broad back. John Paul curled his knees up slightly as Craig's hands moved over his body until they reached the roundness of his buttocks.

Flipping the lid of the bottle Craig poured a little of the silky liquid into his palm and massaged it gently into John Paul's skin, squeezing at his soft flesh and kissing the back of his neck. John Paul sighed with pleasure as Craig's hands worked their magic, both relaxing and exciting him at the same time until he was desperate for more. Craig's fingertip circled slowly, pushing lightly against John Paul's enticing opening and stroking the oily liquid around it.

John Paul moaned softly as the pressure of Craig's finger breached his body and began to sink deeply into him. He pressed back against Craig's hand, urging him in deeper, wanting him completely and too aroused to wait much longer.

"God Craig please…"

Craig poured a little more oil onto the head of his cock and smoothed it over its length before guiding its tip against John Paul's body. It took little persuasion for John Paul's flesh to open up and welcome the hardness of Craig inside and both men moaned as Craig's cock slid into John Paul's eager body.

Craig pushed slowly until his cock was deep inside that treasured flesh and his chest was pressed firmly against John Paul's back. He wrapped his arm around John Paul's belly as he began to rock slowly, his cock sliding delightfully in and out of the hot body that gripped onto it so perfectly.

John Paul breathed deeply as Craig moved inside him. He had almost forgotten how good being with Craig could feel. After the past few weeks John Paul had almost forgotten that he could feel anything but shame and self doubt but in Craig's arms he was reminded how to feel alive.

Craig moved his hand to John Paul's cock as he continued to make love to him. He gripped onto John Paul's firmness and squeezed its length, running his fingers along the shaft and making it quiver against his palm.

Kissing at the base of John Paul's neck Craig began to move harder and faster into his body, stroking the man's cock tightly and making them both pant hard as the pressure inside them started to build.

They had been apart for too long and Craig's need for John Paul screamed inside him as his body began to shake and his cock throbbed heavily.

"Oh god John Paul," Craig pressed his mouth into the crook of John Paul's neck as he tried to hold back the climax that was raging for release inside him.

"Don't fight it Craig," John Paul breathed somehow knowing what Craig was doing, "I want you to come… come inside me… let me know how much I turn you on… how much you love me."

John Paul's words were too much and Craig thrust himself hard into the hot flesh that held him, saying John Paul's name over and over as his climax poured from him deep inside the man he loved.

John Paul's cock was hot in Craig's hand and Craig's grip on it didn't slow or lessen as he came. John Paul could feel the pressure of his own orgasm racing towards him and, as Craig pushed hard into him releasing his desire, John Paul gave into the need that had been with him since Craig first touched him. His cock pulsed under Craig's attention and it wasn't long before John Paul was crying out with satisfaction as the lust from his body spilled out onto Craig's hand.

Both men lay quietly, curled together, close and sated and feeling complete.

Craig shuffled to pull the duvet over their rapidly cooling naked bodies before returning to cuddle into John Paul's back.

"I love you," he whispered against John Paul's ear.

John Paul turned his face to kiss at the gentle lips that spoke to him.

"I know," he replied with a smile, "I love you too… so much."

The growing darkness of the room and the recent satisfaction of their flesh quickly lured both men into the arms of sleep and, for the first time in weeks, John Paul slept peacefully and was not woken by nightmares.

---

Craig sat on the McQueen's sofa and fidgeted uncomfortably. When he had boarded the plane in Dublin that Friday his return flight was already booked for the Monday morning. He thought that he would have enough time to reassure himself that John Paul was OK and still get back to Trinity without missing anything. What he hadn't counted on was the fact that John Paul wasn't OK and Craig couldn't stand the thought of leaving him.

It was a week later when John Paul had suggested that Craig returned to Dublin. Well at first he suggested, then he insisted and finally, when that didn't work, he demanded it, standing over Craig on the Internet until he was satisfied that the tickets were booked.

It was true that there had been a marked improvement in John Paul over the last week. Each day Craig had taken John Paul's hand as they walked out into the streets of Hollyoaks, venturing further from the house with each journey. Craig could tell when John Paul began to let the panic overwhelm him as the grip on his hand would tighten and John Paul's steps would falter. On these occasions Craig would do everything in his power to distract the delicate blue-eyed boy from whatever imagined threat was troubling him. He would talk about nothing, he would laugh and joke and, when the dark worries in John Paul's eyes didn't fade Craig would play dirty. Leaning his body close against John Paul's side he would whisper heavily into his ear exactly what he would do to John Paul later in his room if only they walked a little further. Invariably this tact of persuasion worked the best and John Paul would force himself to push through his fears with the promise of Craig in his arms later in the day.

But now Craig was once again leaving him behind and he couldn't help but worry how John Paul would cope.

"You're sure you'll be OK?" Craig asked for the umpteenth time.

John Paul sighed. "We've been through this Craig… I'll be fine… I needed you here to help me through this… but now I need you to go back to Dublin and sit your finals… and then you can come back for me… for good."

"And I can't wait," Craig said holding tightly onto John Paul's hand. "But you WILL get back to HCC won't you? If I thought that you wouldn't make it… I don't know… I'd stay here and walk you there myself!"

"No you won't," John Paul laughed, "Look if I have to I'll get Jacqui to walk me in… but I don't think I'll need that… not now… not thanks to you."

"I'm sorry boys," Myra stood to the side of the sofa with a sad smile, "Your taxi's here Craig love."

There was an ache in Craig's chest as he got to his feet. The same ache he always felt when it came time to say goodbye to John Paul but more. The same ache but multiplied a hundred times by his fear of leaving John Paul alone again, of not being there next time John Paul needed him.

"You're sure…" Craig began but John Paul cut off his words with a kiss.

"Get out of here Craig Dean before I change my mind."

John Paul opened the front door confidently. So different from the man who, only days ago had collapsed by that very same door in tears as fear had gripped him completely. John Paul knew it would take some time before he was back to the man he once was, if that ever happened, but having Craig's support had given him the strength to move forward and the belief that he could walk with his head held high. Craig Dean loved him and John Paul didn't need any other reason than that to feel proud.

"How many more times are we gonna say goodbye?" Craig asked as he stood by the taxi door. There had been so many partings in his relationship with John Paul but each one still cut deeply as if it were the first.

"Just this last one," John Paul promised, "One more time and then you're stuck with me!"

"I love you John Paul… I love you so much that I…" Craig's mouth collided with John Paul's in a desperate kiss as he tried to hold back his tears but, as they pulled apart, John Paul saw that Craig's cheeks were damp and he gently brushed the teardrops away.

"I will see you real soon Craig Dean," John Paul said as he held Craig close one last time, "I'm already counting the days."

John Paul stood on the kerb for some time after Craig's taxi had pulled away. He sighed as he looked up the street that had been his home for so long. After a while John Paul realised that he was stood alone in the middle of the street and he didn't feel afraid. He smiled and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Thank you Craig," John Paul whispered to the air as he turned and walked slowly back into the house.

---

Craig dropped his overnight bag on the floor and threw himself onto the sofa. He had let Adam know what time he was due home and was grateful for the cup of tea that his flatmate had waiting for him, even if it wasn't as good as the ones John Paul made.

"How's he doing?" Adam asked as he took a seat beside Craig.

Craig gave him an exhausted smile. "I think he'll be OK… but I hated leaving him…"

Adam squeezed Craig's knee with sympathetic understanding. He knew how hard the past week had been for Craig and how much of his own suffering he had kept from John Paul.

Craig had called Adam late that first night as John Paul lay sleeping and told his good friend of the broken man he had found back home. Craig had cried uncontrollably as he described the pain and fear he had seen in John Paul's eyes and the partly faded bruises covering his body. Craig's heart had broken as he told Adam how some mindless idiots had made that beautiful man doubt himself and made him wonder if he had deserved what they had done to him.

Craig had cried and Adam had listened so that the next morning Craig could be strong and John Paul could lean on him.

"I half expected you not to come back," Adam admitted as he sipped his tea, "You sounded so certain he needed you there."

"I almost didn't," Craig said with a shrug, "But you know what John Paul's like, he wouldn't hear of me missing my finals… I pretty sure if I hadn't agreed to come back he would have thrown me out of the house anyway!"

Adam laughed but at the same time he believed what Craig said. Whatever John Paul might have been going through his priority was still Craig and it always would be. Adam couldn't help but feel a sense of envy at such love, such commitment.

"He really loves you," Adam said with a soft smile, "You're lucky."

"I know," Craig agreed, "And talking of love… how's the lovely Catelin doing?"

Adam's smile widened at the mention of his girlfriend's name. "Good," he replied, "We're doing good I think…"

"You think?"

"Well you know women… they're complicated!"

Craig laughed loudly. Complicated women, that was certainly something he knew about.

Craig lay awake in his Dublin bed and stared at the ceiling in the half-light. He thought about John Paul and wondered if he was sleeping. He thought about John Paul and hoped that he was going to be alright. He thought about John Paul and couldn't wait until they were together again.

John Paul lay awake in his Chester bed and stared at the ceiling in the half-light. He thought about Craig and wondered if he was sleeping. He thought about Craig and hoped that he would pass his finals. He thought about Craig and couldn't wait until they were together again.

---


	3. Chapter 3

Craig hit the off switch on the TV remote and watched as the screen faded to black and an air of silence filled the room.

He felt weary. Not just needing to sleep weary but totally exhausted with everything that the last few years had brought into his life weary. He looked around the living room in the Dublin flat he shared with Adam and his eyes landed on the calendar pinned to one wall. A date was circled boldly in red. It was a date not to be forgotten. It was the date he was going home.

Looking back Craig felt that he had been little more than a boy when he first left Hollyoaks village to move to Dublin. When he had hurt John Paul so badly that leaving him behind seemed like the only course of action. When he thought he would never see the love of his life again.

Life in Dublin had changed him, given him the courage to seek out John Paul again and fight for the love that he wanted, that he needed.

The look of hurt and betrayal he had seen in John Paul's eyes the day he had walked in on Craig with Sarah were permanently burned into his heart and he had vowed never to hurt John Paul like that again. The pain he had felt the day he boarded the train that took him away from John Paul was something he never wanted to experience again and he planned to spend the rest of his life making John Paul as happy as he could so that they would never have to part again.

When Craig Dean looked in the mirror lately he saw a man and in two weeks that man was going home. Home to England, home to Chester, home to Hollyoaks but more importantly home to John Paul. After being apart for so long and grabbing each moment together that they could Craig could hardly believe that it was just 14 days separating him from the next stage of his life, the stage of his life that included John Paul in it everyday.

Craig sighed and stretched out his arms. He should really go to bed. Looking at his watch he noticed it was only just past 10.30, it felt so much later.

Since getting back to Dublin Craig had done his best to throw himself back into his studies, the last thing he wanted to do now was let John Paul down. But his mind would often wander to that blue-eyed boy waiting back home for him, especially since his brutal attack, Craig couldn't help but worry how John Paul was coping.

They spoke often on the phone, just as they always had, but these days the conversation would turn to Craig asking how far John Paul had journeyed that day, and each day John Paul would tell him proudly how much further he had ventured from his home, including getting back to HCC. A few friends of John Paul's had readily agreed to detour their trip into college each morning to pass by the McQueen's house and walk the rest of the way in the company of the only male McQueen in the household. Craig wasn't certain just how much John Paul had told his friends about his need for their companionship in this way, he was just glad that he was getting the help he needed now that Craig was so far away.

Craig looked at the time again, another 10 minutes had passed by as he thought of John Paul, he smiled as he realised that thinking of John Paul had become one of his favourite pastimes.

Craig was about to get to his feet when he heard a key in the front door. Adam had been out all night with Catelin and Craig was surprised that they were back so early. With a smile Craig realised the possible reason for their early return and decided that he should get out of the way.

Before Craig could get up Adam walked unsteadily into the room and slumped heavily down on the sofa next to Craig. Craig could smell the alcohol on his friend's breath and see the intoxication in his eyes. He looked towards the door for Catelin but she never followed her boyfriend into the room.

Craig looked at Adam questioningly.

"Women!" Adam exclaimed.

"Everything OK?" Craig asked, already suspecting that he knew the answer to that question.

"I don't get them," Adam continued, "Really… they ARE from another planet… I don't even know why I bother."

"What's happened?"

Adam's softly unfocused eyes looked at Craig for a moment. "Seriously," Adam said in earnest, "What do they want? Do you know, coz I don't… and I'm pretty sure they don't either…"

"Come on, tell me what she's done."

"OK right," Adam shook his head to clear his thoughts and his gaze became a little clearer, "So there we are in the bar… everything is great and we're… you know… having a great night… and this cute guy walks past… I mean he was really cute… so Catelin looks at me and point him out… asks me if I thought he was attractive…"

"Adam… what did you say?"

"He was cute… really cute… there was no denying it – and I said so…"

"And then?"

"The next thing she's going on about how I must miss sleeping with blokes now that I'm seeing her…"

Craig had a horrible feeling that he knew where this conversation had gone next, but he still had to ask. "Adam…what did you tell her?"

""I don't know… I mean I said something like sure I miss guys sometimes…"

"Adam!"

"What… it's the truth… isn't that what relationships are supposed to be about… being honest with each other?"

Craig sighed. "You can be honest without being THAT honest… you must have known that's not what she wanted to hear?"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Isn't it obvious? You were supposed to say you didn't need anyone else now that you've got her?"

Adam shrugged. "Well I don't, she knows that…"

"Does she? Did you tell her?"

"Didn't get the chance… she stormed off."

"And you went after her… right?"

Adam shook his head.

"Women!" He repeated, "Men aren't this complicated… You tell a bloke something and he gets it… you know? I should have stuck with blokes." Adam rested his hand on Craig's knee and his voice softened. "I should have stuck with you, Craig."

"Adam don't," Craig gently pushed his friend's hand away.

"Just because I've been seeing Catelin doesn't mean I don't still have feelings for you Craig… I still think about you sometimes… about us."

"There never was an us."

"But there could have been… there still could… tell me you've never been tempted."

Craig didn't answer, couldn't answer. If he replied he would have had to admit that there had been times when he had caught himself looking at Adam's mouth and wondering how it tasted. There had been times when Adam had come into the room fresh from the shower wearing only a towel around his waist and Craig's eyes had been transfixed on his toned damp body.

"I still think about that time you kissed me you know… I wonder what could have happened if I hadn't stopped you," Adam's voice was low and his green eyes glowed darkly.

"But you did stop it," Craig said getting to his feet, "Because you knew it wasn't right… and it still isn't. I suggest you go and sleep it off and then go around and make up with Catelin tomorrow… I know that's what you really want… I'm going to bed."

Craig hadn't heard Adam move but before he knew it the man was stood behind him, his breath was hot on Craig's neck as he spoke. "Was that an invitation?"

"Leave it Adam," Craig said walking away.

Adam's strong hands gripped Craig's shoulders and turned the man to face him while at the same time pushing his back towards the wall.

"It could be good Craig, you know it could," Adam's face was inches from Craig's and Craig could feel his heart racing.

"Think about it," Adam was continuing, "You and me together, just think about it for a second… think about how good it would feel… no one would ever have to know…"

"Adam, please stop…" Craig's protest sounded weak to his own ears and he was painfully aware of the closeness of Adam's body, the scent of his skin and the firm hold of his hands.

"You want it as much as I do," Adam breathed moving in closer until Craig was pinned to the wall by the full length of his frame and Adam's mouth covered Craig's hotly.

Craig had no intention of returning Adam's kiss so it came as quite a surprise to him to find Adam's tongue slipping gently between the lips Craig didn't remember parting. He didn't mean to hold Adam against him and yet somehow his arms were around Adam's neck pulling him closer.

Craig felt Adam's soft moans rumble deep in his throat and his body was pushing hard against Craig's exciting him and making him want more and, for a second, all thoughts of John Paul were pushed from Craig's mind.

Craig placed his palms firmly against Adam's chest and pushed the man from him. As Adam stepped back Craig wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, wiping away the taste of Adam, wiping away the memory of a kiss that should never have happened and trying to wipe away a guilt that was already gnawing at him.

"Craig..?" Adam moved forward again but Craig's hands stopped him.

"Back off Adam… I mean it…"

"But you wanted it… I know you did… I could feel it…"

"No," Craig insisted, "I didn't, and I don't. Please just back off… this isn't ever gonna happen…"

"But Craig," Adam raised his hand to touch Craig's face but Craig slapped it away.

"Look you're drunk so I'm gonna let this go… but if you don't back off now…"

"What? What will you do?"

"You're my mate Adam and I don't want to hurt you… but that doesn't mean I won't… Do you really think one drunken snog is gonna tempt me to betray John Paul… after what we've been through… after what HE'S been through."

Adam's arms fell limply to his sides and he hung his head as a feeling of shame washed over him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I wasn't thinking… I shouldn't have… I'm sorry."

"I do understand you know," Craig placed his hand under Adam's chin, lifting his face until he could look into his deep green eyes, "I've been there remember… making an alcohol fuelled pass at someone I shouldn't." Adam smiled. He remembered, he remember Craig's frantic drunken kiss in the shop doorway and he remembered pushing Craig away because he knew it was the right thing to do. "I shouldn't have kissed you back," Craig continued, "I don't know what I was thinking… well I wasn't thinking… what can I say… you're a gorgeous bloke and in a different life I'd have been proud to be with you… but not this life… I love John Paul and nothing… no one is gonna make me betray him… not now and not ever."

"I know," Adam said quietly, "He's a lucky bloke."

"No I'm the lucky one," Craig told him and, as he spoke, he realised just how much he meant it, "I don't know what I'd do without him."

Craig smiled as he thought of John Paul, his bright blue eyes shining in Craig's memory. Craig hadn't known what love felt like until he met John Paul and he couldn't face the thought of a future without him. John Paul was his strength and his reason and all he needed to start each new day.

"I'm sorry Craig… really…" Adam sighed, it was true that his feeling for Craig hadn't gone away but rather what he felt for Catelin had pushed them to one side until his anger at the young woman had allowed them to resurface. He felt ashamed that he would try to lure Craig into his bed knowing how much his friend had suffered recently having to watch John Paul's pain and pretend to be strong. Adam was proud that Craig had been able to confide his fears in him at a time when he hadn't been able to let John Paul know how weak and how afraid he was. It was then that Adam realised whatever feelings he might still hold, might always hold, for the dark haired man it was his friendship that he treasured the most and that was one thing he didn't want to risk losing. "It won't happen again," Adam promised.

Craig pulled Adam into his arms and held him tightly. "Get some sleep Adam," Craig said releasing his hold, "And then go and make up with Catelin, she's good for you and I've never seen you so happy… don't let her go over one stupid argument. Oh and Adam… I don't plan on telling John Paul about this… he's been through enough… OK?"

Adam nodded his understanding, at least this time he would know not to let it slip out in conversation, at least this time he had prior warning.

Craig lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. When he was young he had always assumed that life would be simple as he grew into adulthood. He had always been able to see his future mapped out before him. College, a good job, a home, a wife, kids, all the things that he had been raised to expect, been raised to want and nobody had ever warned him that things could be any different. Nobody had ever let him know that one day he could meet someone like John Paul McQueen who would blow all of his preconceptions out of the window and leave him wanting things he had never imagined.

Craig looked at the clock on his wall it was already 11.30 and he wondered if it was too late to call John Paul. He didn't want to wake the man from his sleep but at the same time he desperately needed the reassurance of hearing his voice.

Craig's thumb scrolled through the phone book on his mobile and paused once John Paul's name was illuminated. He could just let it ring for a second and if John Paul didn't answer he would hang up. Pressing the call button Craig listened as the line connected. After two rings it was answered.

"Hey," John Paul's voice sounded bright and Craig sighed in relief that the ringing phone hadn't woken him.

"Hey yourself…"

"What's up?"

"Nothing, just felt like talking to you. What you doing?"

"Not much… studying."

"Really? This late?"

"Well the books are open on my desk," John Paul laughed softly, "I haven't actually looked at them in about an hour! I keep getting distracted."

"Oh yeah? By what?" Craig felt a calm washing over him as John Paul's voice vibrated warmly in his ear.

"Oh you know… there's this photo of a sexy guy by my bed and I can't stop looking at it!"

Craig laughed. He remembered that photograph well, just like he remembered the Christmas when he had given it to John Paul, the Christmas when he knew that eventually everything was going to be alright between them.

"Anyone I know?" Craig asked, his smile ringing down the phone line.

John Paul stared at the picture by his bed, the rich brown eyes looking back at him with such love and he felt a pang of loss that Craig was still so far away.

"Oh just the love of my life," John Paul replied with a melancholy sigh, "God I miss you so much Craig, I can't stop thinking about you… about us… about the last time you were here with me…"

"Me too," Craig agreed, "But it's not long now… we've survived this far…"

"I wish you were here right now Craig."

"So do I," Craig closed his eyes and listened to the sound of John Paul's breathing. He could almost believe that the man was next to him, he could almost smell his skin and feel the heat of his body. "If I was there John Paul I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you!"

"Do you really think I'd even try to stop you?" John Paul's laugh was deep and throaty and it filled Craig with a tremendous sense of longing. "If you were here with me…"

"What?" Craig urged, "What would you do?" Craig held his phone close to his ear and breathed deeply as the image of John Paul filled his mind.

"I'd kiss you as if we'd been apart for a hundred years," John Paul said, "I would hold you so close that I might never let you go… and then…"

"And then?"

Craig heard the sound of movement from the end of the line as John Paul walked from his desk and lay back on his bed. He closed his eyes and pictured Craig standing before him. He could see his hands touching Craig's face and moving over his body.

"And then I'd show you just how much I've missed you."

Craig wasn't aware of the soft pillow beneath his head or the hard plastic of the phone pressed against his ear, his entire concentration was caught up in the sound of John Paul's voice and the images his words began to spin in his mind.

"I'd start by kissing your mouth," John Paul began, his voice deep and low as the words fell from his lips in a stream of desire. "Softly at first. I love the feel of your mouth against mine, I'd run my tongue lightly over your lips until I couldn't stand it any longer and I'd push it deep inside tasting the heat of your mouth…"

Craig swallowed hard and bit at his lip as the urge to have John Paul's mouth on his overwhelmed him.

"As I kissed you I'd undo the buttons on your shirt until it was freed and I could push it to the floor. My hands would be hot against your chest and I would lower my mouth to it… tasting your skin and running my tongue around your nipples until they were hard… running my hands lower until your nipples weren't the only things that were hard…"

Craig whimpered softly which made John Paul laugh as he realised how much of an effect his words were having on the other man.

"We should have done this sooner," he said with a chuckle.

"Done what?"

"Had one of these conversations," An idea came to John Paul and he couldn't hold back a laugh, "I should have phoned you one night when you were in the pub and told you just what I wanted to do to you… I rather like the idea of you sitting there… getting more and more turned on as I talked and trying not to let anyone know… I wonder what you would have done Craig… would you have been able to wait till you got home? Or would you have excused yourself and gone to the gents? Would you have touched yourself and imagined it was me? Imagined my mouth on your skin… my tongue teasing you until you couldn't hold back any longer."

Without realising it Craig was doing exactly what John Paul was suggesting, his hand stroked his growing erection through the fabric of his jean as he imagined it was John Paul's touch arousing him and not just his words. Craig moaned softly at the increasing ache in his groin and the sounds encouraged John Paul to continue.

"Now where was I?" John Paul asked teasingly, "Oh that's right… well my next task would have to get you out of those damn jeans… no matter how good you might look in them… you look so much better out of them! I'd unfasten the button and the zip and then ease them down over your hips, sinking to the floor with them until I was kneeling in front of you. My breath would be hot against your cock as it stood only inches from my mouth… and you'd want my mouth around it wouldn't you Craig? You'd want to feel my tongue running over its length as I sucked it into me…"

"God John Paul I… you… Christ don't stop…" Craig's words came in gasps as his hand slipped inside his jeans and held tightly onto his throbbing cock, all the time picturing John Paul's hand touching him, John Paul's mouth hot and hungry for him, like it had been so many times in the past.

"I'd touch you first with just the tip of my tongue, it'd be like a feather brushing over the head of your cock so light that you can only just feel it… and then my lips would part, just a fraction, and your cock would press against them until I give in and take you in my mouth…"

Craig's breathing was growing heavier with each new word that fell from John Paul's lips. The images dancing in his head of the two of them and the feeling of his hand stroking firmly over the length of his cock made his whole body quiver with anticipation.

"Little by little my lips would move over your cock, taking it deeper, my tongue moving in circles over it… tasting you… sucking you further into my mouth… as far as you can go… and then you'd start moving your hips, slowly at first making your cock slide in and out of my mouth, watching as my lips are wrapped tightly around you… and then you speed up… you want to fill my mouth… you can feel the pressure building inside you until you can't hold it back any longer and then you…"

The sound of Craig's moans echoed loudly down the phone line as his climax exploded from him, spilling over his hand and covering the front of his jeans, leaving him breathless and panting and somewhat bemused by what had just happened.

"And then that," John Paul finished with a laugh, "So Craig… how's your day been?"

Craig shook his head as he tried to clear his thoughts, his eyes were glazed and his chest heaved with heavy breaths.

"Hmm what?" he asked in a confused tone.

"Craig are you alright?" John Paul laughed.

"I can't believe… how did you just do that?"

"I know what makes you tick Craig Dean," John Paul said with a grin, "Just you remember that… and you'd probably better get yourself cleaned up… I imagine you're a bit of a mess right now!"

Craig looked down at himself and grimaced, grabbing a box of tissues Craig attempted to clean himself up until giving up completely and, somewhat awkwardly using only one hand, dropped his jeans into a soiled pile on the floor. Pulling the duvet over his bare legs Craig leant back against his headboard with a satisfied sigh.

"That better?" John Paul asked.

"Much," Craig replied, and he wasn't just talking about cleaning himself, "We should definitely have had these sort of conversations sooner…"

"Well we won't need to soon," John Paul said happily.

"I can't wait… hey I nearly forgot to ask… you been out anywhere today?"

John Paul's face broke into a broad smile and there was pride in his voice as he replied. "Actually I went into Chester…"

"No way! That's great… who d'you go with?"

John Paul paused to give his next reply the impact it deserved. "I went on my own!"

Craig felt tears pricking at his eyes. It was such a short time ago that John Paul had been afraid to leave his own house and Craig's heart ached with pride at how far the man had come, at how strong he was.

"I'm so proud of you," Craig said, his voice cracking slightly with emotion, "I can't believe you've managed that already…"

"I panicked a bit at first," John Paul admitted, "But I had good motivation… I was sorting out a surprise… for you!"

"For me? What is it?"

John Paul laughed, "Look up the word surprise in the dictionary Craig… you'll have to wait till you get home… but you'll like it… at least I hope you like it…"

"I'm sure I'll love it… whatever it is."

John Paul tried to stifle a yawn and when Craig looked at the clock he realised it was gone midnight.

"I suppose I'd better let you go," he said reluctantly.

"Yeah," John Paul agreed, "I need my beauty sleep."

"Now that's one thing you DON'T need! Goodnight… oh and John Paul…"

"Yeah?"

"Love you…"

"Love you too… I can't wait to tell you that in person…"

"Nor me… I'll see you soon… goodnight."

Craig held the silent phone to his ear for some time before he realised and let it fall onto the bed.

Two more weeks, that was all the time he had left to wait, but even knowing it was so close it still felt like it was too long to be away from John Paul. Over the last few weeks Craig hated being apart from John Paul more than usual. John Paul had been hurt and he needed him. But Craig also knew that as much as John Paul needed him he needed the blonde haired man by his side. He needed the strength and the courage that being with John Paul gave him, he needed the love that he felt when he was near the man and he needed to know that he only had to turn around and John Paul would be there, his blue eyes smiling at him in a way that no one else's ever had.

Craig felt the pang of guilt rear up in his chest at the memory of his recent encounter with Adam. There had been so many secrets, so many lies in his relationship with John Paul and now he had added another secret to the pile. John Paul deserved better than that, he deserved to know the truth and Craig decided that once he got back home to Chester he would tell the man everything. Every secret, every fear and every stupid thought that had ever run through his head. If they were going to make their relationship work it had to begin with total honesty and Craig hoped that John Paul would still love him when he found out just how neurotic his boyfriend actually was.

John Paul snuggled into the warmth of his bed. Something had been wrong with Craig tonight; the tone of his voice had seemed tense at first, although John Paul had quickly worked out a way to make him relax. But he knew Craig was keeping something from him, something he had said or done or wanted to do. John Paul closed his eyes and his mind was filled with two gentle brown eyes framed with deep dark lashes. One day Craig would realise that whatever happened John Paul would rather know than be protected. One day Craig would realise that John Paul's love was unconditional and then nothing would be able to come between them again.

---

Craig looked around the room that had been his for the last three years. It looked strange now, stark and bare, as it had looked on the day he moved in. Gone were the pictures and possessions that had made it his, instead there were only bare walls and uncluttered surfaces and very little evidence that he had ever been there. All of his belongings were packed into the two cases by his feet.

Finals were finished, University was finished and living in Dublin had come to an end. It was finally time to leave. It was time to go home.

Craig felt a mixture of excitement and fear. He had been waiting for this day for so long but now that it had arrived he was scared that the reality of being with John Paul wouldn't live up to the dream. What if it went wrong? What if the love they had wasn't as strong as they believed? What if being apart was the only thing that had kept them together?

"You ready to go?" Adam stood in the doorway with a sad smile. He was going to miss Craig being in his life every day. They had built up a friendship the likes of which he had never known before and he was sorry to see it go.

"I think so," Craig said getting to his feet and grabbing his bags.

Adam walked Craig to the front door where they stood in silence for a few minutes unable to think of the words to say goodbye.

"Thank you Adam," Craig said finally breaking the silence.

"For what?"

"For being the friend I needed, I couldn't have survived those early days here without you… you're the best mate I've ever had since…"

Adam smiled, he already knew the end of that sentence, "since John Paul" and Adam took it as a huge compliment that his friendship with Craig came anywhere near what the man had with John Paul.

"I'm gonna miss seeing your ugly face around the place," Adam said with a wry smile.

"Yours too," Craig replied aiming a playful punch at Adam's shoulder, "But you won't be here much longer yourself will you? When you heading home, you've not even started packing yet…"

"I'm not going… I'm staying here…"

"Here in Dublin?"

"Here in this flat… I sorted it out last week with the landlord."

"On your own?"

Craig saw a sparkle of light gleaming in Adam's eyes. "Not on your own?"

"Catelin's moving in with me," Adam explained unable to keep the joy from his face.

"Oh mate that's great… I'm so pleased you two are making a go of it… but why the secret?"

Adam shrugged, "I didn't want to jinx it I guess…"

"Nothing's gonna go wrong Adam, I can feel it… it's all gonna work out great, for both of us!"

Craig pulled Adam into his arms and held him tightly. He didn't want to lose this man from his life and he felt a great sadness that such a distance would soon grow between them.

"You'd better keep in touch," Craig said breathing against Adam's neck, "I don't find good mates that often… I can't afford to lose them."

"You just wait," Adam laughed, "You'll be sick of hearing from me!"

Craig stepped back and took a long look into the bright green pools of Adam's eyes.

"I'm gonna miss you," Craig said quietly as he rested his hand against Adam's face.

The kiss surprised them both as their lips met with a gentle sorrow as the warmth of their mouths pressed together in a final farewell.

"You be good to Catelin," Craig said as he walked slowly from the door, "I want an invite to the wedding!"

"Yours too," Adam called after him, "Give John Paul my love."

"I will… after I've given him mine!"

"Bye Craig, I… I love you."

"See ya mate, I love you too."

---

John Paul looked at himself in the mirror as he fastened the buttons of his black shirt. It was a shirt that Craig had given him on his last birthday. He could still remember the look in Craig's eyes as he slipped the shirt on, Craig's voice deep and low as he commented on how good John Paul looked in it and the heat of Craig's hands as he made short work of getting him out of it again.

A quick glance at his watch told John Paul that it wasn't long until he had to leave for the airport. A nervous excitement bubbled through him. Craig was finally coming home. It had seemed like this day would never arrive as they had fought for each moment they could spend together. But like all things waited for eventually they come along in the end and this day had now arrived.

John Paul ran his hands through his hair. He would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of the future. There were so many uncertainties still to face. He loved Craig, that was one thing he had no doubt about, but were they strong enough to be together, they never had been in the past. Would they be able to fight and still know that it didn't mean their love was lost?

Would they be able to be together and not get tempted to stray? As he thought that question Adam's green eyes flashed into John Paul's mind, quickly followed by the deep dark brown of Spike's. John Paul shook his head to dislodge the images and laughed. A couple of drunken kisses were no threat to what he had with Craig, to what he felt, what they both felt. It had been a long hard battle to get Craig in his life and he wasn't going to let him go now, from this day on it would always be the two of them and nothing or no one would be allowed to get in the way again.

John Paul sighed at the sound of his bedroom door opening, one of these days his sisters would actually learn to knock.

"Nice shirt!"

John Paul froze. He knew that voice and it certainly didn't belong to one of his sisters. He took a deep breath before turning around to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

"But then I always liked you in that one… nearly as much as I like you out of it!"

"Craig…" The name was a whisper on John Paul's lips.

"Is that all the hello I get after travelling so far?" Craig smiled at the look of stunned amazement on John Paul's face.

"How are you… why… you're early…"

"I lied about which flight I was getting."

"Why?"

"I wanted to surprise you… and I'm guessing by the look on your face I succeeded, now do I get a hug or what?"

John Paul flung himself into Craig's open arms with a force that almost sent them both flying. He clung to the man with an unexpected desperation as tears flowed freely down his face.

"Hey what's wrong?" Craig asked gently as he tried to wipe John Paul's tears away.

"I can't believe you're really here," John Paul sobbed.

"You knew I was coming home today…"

"But you're really HERE… it's over Craig… all the waiting, all the hoping, you came back to me."

"Did you ever doubt I would?"

"I've wanted this for so long… I was afraid to really believe… I think I was still waiting for something to go wrong."

Craig laughed softly. "John Paul McQueen I love you," he said as he kissed John Paul's damp cheeks, "And I would have gone through anything the world threw at me to get back here to you today… from now on it's the two of us… together remember?"

"Together," John Paul echoed as he wrapped his arms tightly around Craig and breathed in the scent of him. His heart felt so full he thought it might explode and all of the fears and doubts melted away under the warmth of Craig's kiss.

Craig had planned his early arrival at the McQueen house for days and the stunned look on John Paul's face had been more than worth his minor deceit. What he hadn't expected was the sudden flood of tears as he held John Paul in his arms and he realised then that John Paul had been as scared of this reunion as he had. And just as they did with John Paul all of Craig's worries disappeared under the weight of the love he felt as their lips met in a kiss that sealed their reunion.

John Paul held onto Craig for a long time. Holding on to the solidness of him until he was finally convinced that Craig was really there, that he was home and the waiting was over.

"Welcome home Craig," John Paul said with a wide smile as he stepped back gripping tightly onto the man's shoulders.

Craig returned his smile brightly as he took a moment to look closely at the face of the man he loved. The bruises he remembered from his previous visit had now faded away and just the smallest mark remained on the edge of John Paul's jaw line. A pale stripe where a deep cut had once been, the only physical scar remaining of that brutal attack. John Paul's eyes were bright, glistening with the remains of his tears, and the dark haunted look of weeks ago had all but gone. Only someone who really knew John Paul well, who had looked into those eyes countless times, would be able to see the hint of pain buried deep behind them, locked away but never completely forgotten. Only someone who knew those eyes better than their own would be able to tell that the hurt John Paul suffered might never completely heal. Only someone like Craig would know this and it made his heart ache to know that John Paul still carried a hurt that Craig couldn't heal.

"So I'm forgiven for turning up early to surprise you then?"

"I think I can cope with having you home a few hours sooner than I expected!" John Paul laughed as he cupped Craig's face in his hands. The dark eyes that looked at him were so filled with love that it made John Paul feel weak and strong at the same time and as their lips touched again he knew that it wasn't only Craig who had finally come home.

John Paul suddenly pushed Craig away from him with a laugh. "I almost forgot," he said with a grin, "Your surprise…"

Craig's eyes sparkled with anticipation. "So? What is it?"

John Paul grabbed his keys off the side and stuffed them into his pocket before taking Craig's hand and pulling him from the bedroom. "Come on and I'll show you…"

"Where are we going?"

"Chester…"

"We have to go to Chester for my surprise… how come?"

"Patience Mr Dean… all will be revealed soon enough."

"You are a terrible tease Mr McQueen," Craig said laughing as he was dragged down the stairs.

"You wouldn't have me any other way," John Paul joked kissing Craig's cheek before opening the front door.

The trip to Chester was light hearted and uneventful as the two men talked non stop, eager to catch up on each others lives and many promises were made that they would never be apart like that again.

Craig watched John Paul carefully as they walked the busy streets and he occasionally saw a look of worry cloud John Paul's eyes. Craig would quickly distract John Paul when he saw the early signs of panic begin to rise by touching a soft kiss to his lips. An action that showed John Paul he wasn't alone anymore and any lasting worries or pain he felt could now be shared and in sharing them they would be eased.

John Paul's feet came to a halt outside a large red-bricked building and Craig frowned his confusion as John Paul almost skipped up the pathway to the front door.

Craig was surprised to see John Paul pull his keys from his pocket and slip one of them into the lock. He was even more surprised when his eyes landed on a small white tag underneath one of the many doorbells.

"Dean and McQueen."

Craig's eyes widened as John Paul opened the door and lead him into a large hallway. "John Paul what have you..."

John Paul stopped outside a door emblazoned with the number 4 and slipped another key into the lock. He flung the door open and stepped inside.

The flat was small and simply furnished with a clean white modern feel to it. Craig stood in the centre of the main room and turned circles as he took in his surroundings. He stopped as his gaze landed on a picture frame on top of the small TV. He knew that picture. He remembered the day it was taken. He remembered the day he put it into the silver frame and he remembered the Christmas he had given it to John Paul. He hadn't even noticed that it had been missing from the side of John Paul's bed.

"John Paul what…?"

"Welcome home Craig," John Paul said as he watched Craig's reaction and then a sudden doubt gripped him, "You DO like it don't you? I know it's not much… but it's not bad for our first place… I mean you DO want to live with me right?"

John Paul felt an uncertainty rising in his chest. It had seemed a good idea when he had seen the flat advertised. A place of their own, it was what they had dreamed of, talked of and it was what they both wanted… wasn't it?

"It's ours?" Craig could hardly believe what he was hearing, what he was seeing, "Our place?"

"If you want it…"

The smile on Craig's face as he turned to John Paul quickly banished John Paul's doubts. "I don't know how you did this John Paul… with everything that… our own place… just the two of us… I can't believe it."

Craig's arms held John Paul tightly as they stood in the centre of their first home. "You never cease to amaze me John Paul McQueen… this place is perfect."

"I'm glad," John Paul said with relief, "I've already paid the first 6 months rent!"

"That must have cost a fortune… how did you afford that?"

"What you seem to forget is that while you were living the high life in Dublin I was still at home… where living expenses are low… and DJ wages are pretty good! I saved up!"

"Tell me you didn't spend it all on the rent."

"To have a place just for us, don't you think it was worth it?"

"But to spend all your…"

John Paul pressed his finger to Craig's lips. "There isn't any me or you anymore Craig… only us… and this is for us… and I would do it again a hundred times over."

"Have I told you how much I love you John Paul McQueen?"

"I forget… you'd better tell me again."

Craig's kiss was soft yet firm as he held John Paul close to him. "You are the best thing that ever happened in my life," he said as he ran his fingertips over the softness of John Paul's face, "Without you I just exist… but with you by my side I feel like I can achieve anything. Don't you ever leave me John Paul I don't think I would survive it… I love you."

"I'm going nowhere," John Paul replied leaning his face against the warmth of Craig's hand, "You're all I ever wanted Craig… you're my life… my heart… I love you so much."

"Of course you do realise…" Craig began, his eyes twinkling brightly, "Well what with this being our first place and all…"

"What?"

"We really should christen the place… you know… every room!"

John Paul laughed, "Yeah? Starting where?"

Craig pushed John Paul onto the small sofa and straddled him as he climbed onto the man's lap. "We might as well start right here," he said as he leaned forward and kissed John Paul with a gentle passion that held promises of a very enjoyable afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

Craig's hands stroked the softness of John Paul's face as his mouth pressed gently but firmly against John Paul's soft lips. They felt like they had been apart for a lifetime but they now had a lifetime to make up for it.

"About this shirt," Craig said as he began to unfasten John Paul's buttons.

"I thought you liked it."

"I do…" John Paul leaned forward as Craig eased the shirt from his back, "But I would like it a lot better over there." With that Craig balled the shirt in his hands and flung it across the room.

John Paul raised an eyebrow in query.

"It's our place," Craig reasoned, "We can make as much mess as we like!"

Seeing the logic in Craig's statement John Paul tugged at the edge of the man's t-shirt and then pulled it over his head, throwing the garment to the opposite end of the room with a laugh.

"Didn't that feel good?"

"Not as good as you feel."

John Paul gripped onto the firmness of Craig's back and pulled the man's naked chest tightly against his, feeling the heat radiate from the combination of their bare flesh as they held each other close.

John Paul's mouth tasted at the skin of Craig's neck. His tongue moving over it and his teeth biting into its sweetness as Craig rocked gently on his lap, the friction caused by his motion creating a pleasant sensation between them.

Craig hands stroked the warm skin of John Paul's chest, the man's nipples hardening as Craig's palms passed over them and a small moan escaping from his throat as Craig's mouth lowered to them, his tongue circling around the hard flesh as he bit at them gently.

Leaning back Craig held his palm to the centre of John Paul's chest. "Are you..?"

John Paul smiled. "Nearly all healed," he replied, "You'll just have to be gentle with me!"

"I can do that."

John Paul's hands moved up Craig's denim clad thighs. Their eyes locked together and the air between them seemed to crackle with electricity. "But not too gentle," he amended with a grin.

Craig returned his body to the heat of John Paul's as their mouths melded together and tongues swirled in the furnace between them.

John Paul's hands squeezed firmly at the tops of Craig's thighs and then slipped a little higher to press against the growing firmness of Craig's groin. Craig moaned into John Paul's mouth as the pressure against his erection was increased making him break breathlessly away from the kiss. His eyes were dark and heavy with desire as he looked down on the man who was arousing him so completely and yet so effortlessly.

"John Paul…" the name had never sounded so right before as it caressed his tongue and spilled over his lips, it sounded like perfection.

Wrapping his arms tightly around John Paul's body Craig toppled them both sideways onto the length of the sofa. Both men were laughing as John Paul wriggled himself into a more comfortable position, nestling his shoulders into the soft cushions, as Craig raised himself to his knees and trailed his hands down John Paul's chest until his fingers rested at the top of the man's trousers.

"Exactly HOW gentle do I have to be?" Craig asked with a lusty grin.

John Paul laughed. "Well as long as you don't plan on jumping on me from the top of a wardrobe I should be fine!"

Craig seemed to consider John Paul's reply before answering. "So we'll save the wardrobe jumping for another time then?"

John Paul was still laughing as Craig peppered his face with feather soft kisses, kisses that ran down his throat and over his chest making John Paul's skin quiver with excitement. Craig shuffled backwards on the sofa as he ran his trail of kisses lower until the arm of the furniture collided with his feet and halted his progression. He looked behind him with a sigh; they really needed a bigger sofa.

Not to be deterred Craig slipped from the sofa and knelt on the floor beside it. His kisses had reached John Paul's waist and the man was beginning to breathe heavily with anticipation. Craig's hands deftly slipped open the buckle of John Paul's belt as John Paul raised his hips to ease the progression of his jeans and boxers over his thighs and down past his knees, past his ankles, until the remainder of his clothing was scattered across the room.

Craig got to his feet and observed the beauty of the figure stretched out before him. Both his heart and his groin ached with desire for such a vision of perfection. John Paul's shoulders were broad and strong, his chest firm and his stomach taught. His legs were long with deeply muscled thighs and his cock, almost fully engorged, rested proudly against his belly.

John Paul breathed slowly as Craig's eyes travelled over him and he was surprised to find that he felt no hint of embarrassment or discomfort under that gentle gaze. There had been so many times when John Paul had felt ashamed of his body, it wasn't as muscled at this man or as toned as that man. Even with Spike he had been more comfortable when he had been able to hide his form beneath the duvet. But with Craig it was different, with Craig everything was different. With Craig he felt proud to be himself and the look of loved and lust in Craig's eyes were all the assurances he ever needed.

"God you're so gorgeous," Craig said hotly as his own clothing became strewn across the floor.

"You're not so bad yourself," John Paul replied lustfully as the lightly tanned form of Craig was slowly revealed.

Craig fell back to his knees beside John Paul and prepared to worship at the body he loved so much.

His mouth was hot as it passed over John Paul's thighs and it made the soft sensitive skin shiver as the tip of Craig's tongue pressed against it. Swirling his tongue slowly Craig lightly tasted as John Paul's balls to a gasp of pleasure that escaped from John Paul's lips. The hot tongue then ran the length of John Paul's cock in a single stroke as John Paul closed his eyes and arched his back. He moaned heavily as Craig's mouth opened to slip the head of his cock inside.

Craig cupped John Paul's balls in his hand as he sucked lightly on the head of his cock, taking it into him a little deeper as the intensity of John Paul moans increased. Sinking his hands into Craig's hair John Paul submerged into the exquisite pleasure that Craig created with the heat of his mouth and the swirling of his tongue. Craig sucked harder, tasting the drops of precum and spreading it over the head of John Paul's cock with his tongue.

John Paul let out a distressed whimper as Craig's mouth gave up its hold of his cock and Craig turned his eyes to his disappointed lover as his mouth curled into a deep sexy smile.

"Let's get this room christened then!" Craig said with a grin as he climbed back onto the sofa and once again straddled his knees across John Paul's.

John Paul raised a hand and stoked over the tightness of Craig's belly and brushed over the firmness of his cock. Craig closed his eyes for a second as John Paul's fingers curled around him, his thumb pressing against his sensitive tip and moving in a slow deliberate circle.

Craig reached behind him to grip onto John Paul's cock that was still slick with saliva and precum. Slowly and carefully Craig began to lower himself until he could feel the head of that pulsating cock pressing against his tight opening. Craig gasped as he pushed himself down further and John Paul's cock breached him, making him gasp with the sudden pain and then the indescribable pleasure.

John Paul raised his hips to meet Craig's decent, his cock slipping further into the tight heat of Craig's body until he was completely engulfed and Craig was sat against his lap.

The electricity in their eyes sparkled with fire as their gaze locked together.

John Paul reached to Craig and pulled the man down against him, their mouths crashing together with desire as their bodies started to rock in time to the music only they could hear.

With John Paul's arms tight around his back Craig pulled himself upright, raising John Paul with him until they were facing each other.

Craig lifted and lowered himself against the hard cock deep inside him, relishing each inch of his body that it touched as it filled him perfectly. His own cock was trapped between their bodies and the friction of his movements brushed over it.

John Paul's hands grabbed at the back of Craig's head as they kissed, pressing their mouths together hard and sucking deeply on the tongue that pushed its way between his lips.

The room was filled with soft moans and heavy pants as they moved together. John Paul's cock thrusting deeper and harder into the body that craved its presence making Craig cry out as it touched again and again at the perfect target.

John Paul's fingers clawed at Craig's back, pulling at his body as he raised himself hard against the man above him. The aching pressure in his cock was building so fast that he couldn't resist its demands much longer and he moaned loudly as he buried his face into the crook of Craig's neck.

Craig tightened himself around the throbbing of John Paul's cock, increasing the pressure and riding it hard as John Paul's panting grew louder and his body began to shake.

John Paul pushed his hand between their bodies and gripped tightly onto Craig's cock, running his hand hard and fast over its length as his own desire finally became too much to withstand.

Calling out Craig's name John Paul thrust upwards as he came and his cock pulsed out its heat deep inside Craig's body.

Still trembling from the force of his climax John Paul sought out Craig's mouth and kissed him deeply as he continued to stroke the length of the cock that throbbed hotly in his hand.

It wasn't long before Craig's body tensed and he broke from the kiss to cry out his pleasure as he came hard in John Paul's grip and his lust poured hotly over John Paul's hand and covered both men's bellies.

They collapsed back against the sofa in satisfaction and lay in a tangle of limbs as the racing of their hearts slowed and their breathing began to return to normal.

"One down," Craig said with a laugh, "Just how many rooms does this flat have?"

John Paul rested in the comfort of Craig's arms. They hadn't quite managed to christen every room in the flat but had made a good start and were now snuggled deeply underneath the duvet that covered their brand new bed.

Craig stroked John Paul's hair and kissed the top of his head gently. He felt a moments unease and knew why. It had to be done. He didn't want to do it but he had learned from bitter experience that these things had a way of coming out when you least expected them to, and at least this way he had some control.

"John Paul..?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to tell you something… and you're not gonna like it." Craig chewed nervously at his lip as John Paul's blue eyes turned to look at him. Craig smiled as he remembered – or rather remembered being told about - all of the times he had drunkenly raved on about those eyes, and with just cause he decided.

"The thing is," Craig began carefully, "I mean it wasn't like… and I didn't even…"

John Paul's brow furrowed. "Craig what is it?" He asked carefully, "You can tell me…"

"I kissed Adam," Craig blurted out, "Again…"

John Paul sat upright in the bed causing the duvet to fall from him. "OK…"

Craig's hand pressed into the small of John Paul's back. "It didn't mean anything… he was drunk and upset coz he's just had a fight with Catelin and…"

"HE was drunk?"

"Yeah."

"But you weren't?"

"Well no but…"

"So you were completely sober when you kissed him?"

John Paul climbed out of the bed and padded barefoot to the window, looking through the net curtain at the almost empty street outside.

Craig scrubbed his hands through his hair as he tried to explain what had happened.

"It just took me by surprise… one second we were talking and then…"

"And then you had your tongue down his throat?"

"Yes... NO… I don't know… as soon as I realised what I was doing I stopped it… I told him it couldn't happen again. It wouldn't happen again."

Craig got up from the bed and joined John Paul at the window, slipping his arms around the naked man.

"It was nothing… you do believe me don't you… I don't want there to be any secrets between us… not anymore…"

"Do you love him?" The question took Craig by surprised and it was a moment before he answered.

"No of course not… I mean yes… I do… but only as a friend… I swear… Christ John Paul you've gotta believe me."

As John Paul turned to face Craig he was smiling and his shoulders shook with a gentle laughter.

"You know what Craig," he said with a giggle, "We're gonna have to do something about your tendencies to snog other men!"

Craig was wide-eyed for a second. "You knew!" He accused.

"Adam phoned me a few days ago to explain…"

"But I told him…"

John Paul punched Craig playfully in the ribs. "You told him not to say anything."

"You'd been through enough… I was trying to protect you… but I did tell you in the end." Craig pouted as John Paul continued to laugh. "I can't believe he called you."

"Oh you know Adam… he always lets his mouth run away with him," John Paul looked pointedly at Craig's lips, "Well YOU know that better than most!"

"And we're OK?" Craig ran his hands over John Paul's arms as he spoke.

"Just promise me one thing."

"Anything…"

"Next time you fancy a snog… come and find me!"

"Deal," Craig agreed with a grin as he pulled his lover into his arms and kissed the only mouth he would ever need to taste for the rest of his life.

John Paul nestled back into the warmth of the bed and Craig's embrace. It had been a little cruel to let Craig suffer like that but John Paul thought it was the least he deserved for kissing that sexy green-eyed man for a second time.

"John Paul..?"

"Hmm."

"There was a third time that I kissed Adam."

John Paul's head snapped around to look into the deep brown of Craig's eyes, if this was some kind of joke then he would kill him… if it wasn't a joke… well he might just kill him!

"A third time?"

"Yeah…"

"And that was...?"

"This morning… when we said goodbye… but that's all it was… just a goodbye kiss."

"That's all?"

"I promise."

"You do realise what all this means don't you?" John Paul's eyes sparkled with mischief.

"What?" Craig asked with trepidation.

"I'm gonna have to go and snog Spike twice more… just to make us even!"

"You wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't I? Or I suppose we could go and visit Adam and I could snog him!"

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

John Paul laughed. "A little bit yeah," he said as he ducked from the pillow that Craig aimed at his head.

Placing his head back on the comfort of Craig's chest John Paul sighed with contentment.

"Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this it now? Is this us… forever?"

Craig considered his answer. It would have been easy to make that promise. To tell John Paul that nothing would ever come between them again. But he couldn't know that, not for certain and he wanted no more lies between them, whatever the cost.

"I hope so," Craig replied truthfully, "Right now I can't think of anything I want more than to spend the rest of my life with you… and I hope that never changes."

"Right answer," John Paul said touching his lips to Craig's chest. "I've just realised, this is our first home, should I have carried you over the threshold or something?"

Craig laughed at the thought. "We're moving in together… we haven't just got married!"

"Why Craig Dean is that a proposal?"

"You never know," Craig said kissing the top of John Paul's head, "You really never know!"

"Craig?"

"Yeah…"

"Tell me that you love me."

"You know that I love you…"

"But tell me anyway."

Craig tightened his hold around the beautiful blonde haired man in his arms.

"John Paul McQueen I love you," he said with conviction, "With every atom of my being, with every breath in my body, with my heart and soul and my body and mind… I love you."

John Paul gripped tightly onto the man he had dreamed of his whole life as Craig's words held him as closely as his arms did.

"You are my strength and my weakness Craig Dean and I love you too," he said against the soft skin of Craig's chest, "More that I ever knew I could."

As darkness fell two men lay wrapped together in the warmth of their bed and the comfort of each other's arms. It had been a struggle to get to this day and they had overcome many obstacles along the way. But each battle had only made them stronger and each new difficulty had only brought them closer.

There had been a time when John Paul McQueen and Craig Dean couldn't imagine being together. Now they couldn't imagine being apart.

---

I still remember the day I told him to get out. The day I told him to leave me alone. That day I thought it was over because I couldn't risk letting him hurt me anymore.

I still remember the day I told him to get out because he came back and he kept on coming back until I knew that he wasn't there to hurt me, but to love me.

Before him I hid from the world, without him I feared the world but with him I can embrace the world, the world that he makes perfect just by being a part of it. Craig Dean was the love of my life from the moment that I met him and I know he will be until the day that I die.

---

For a long time I thought that I had lost him. I'd done so many things to hurt him that I didn't think I deserved another chance but he gave it to me anyway.

I didn't know who I was until I found him. I didn't know what I wanted or who I wanted until he showed me. I didn't know I was alive until he kissed me.

John Paul McQueen turned my life upside down and I will spend the rest of my life thanking him for it. Until him the world was grey. Now it shines with the brightest colours, especially that beautiful shade of blue buried deep in his eyes where only I have ever seen it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Epilogue No1**

No one paid any attention to the two men sat quietly on a bench in the Dublin park. It was a warm afternoon and couples or families enjoying the late sun occupied most of the benches lining the pathway.

"Do you remember the first time we came here?" Craig asked with a grin.

"How could I forget," John Paul replied, "You were a bad influence back then as well."

"I didn't hear you moaning at the time," Craig objected, "Well actually you did as I recall… just not in complaint."

John Paul nudged Craig with his elbow and laughed.

"D'you think we should go and find the tree?" Craig asked as his eyes twinkled mischievously.

"We don't have time and you know it," John Paul told him, "You're not getting out of this Craig so stop trying."

Craig let out an exaggerated sigh and stuck out his bottom lip in a sulky pout.

"And you can put that look away," John Paul laughed, "It doesn't work on me any more."

"It used to…"

"I learned better… besides they're gonna be looking for us soon… we did sneak out without saying anything…"

Right on cue a young dark haired girl came running up the path towards them.

"Uncle Craig I've been sent to look for you… you've got to come back." Her voice was light and carried the soft Irish accent of her mother.

The teenage girl slipped her hand into Craig's and pulled him to his feet.

"You too Uncle John Paul," she said taking his hand and pulling him upright as well.

"We're coming Niamh," John Paul told the girl as she tugged at both men's hands and began to lead them back down the pathway.

As they neared the house Niamh let go of their hands and ran to the man who was standing in the doorway.

"You were right daddy," she said, "They were in the park."

"I thought as much," the man said laughing, "Go inside and help your mum…"

Craig's footsteps slowed as they got closer to the house.

"Do I have to?" he asked pitifully.

John Paul sighed. "MUST WE go through this every time?" he asked.

"What? I just don't see why we have to go is all…" Craig replied defensively.

"Come on," John Paul coaxed, "He's been planning this for weeks… we can't let him down now."

"Oh but…"

"Every time…" John Paul repeated shaking his head in amusement, "We had it with your 30th and your 40th … do I HAVE to drag you kicking and screaming to your 50th as well?"

"It's all right for you, "Craig objected.

"It's hardly MY fault I'll always be younger than you," John Paul said with a laugh, "Now come on… there's a party waiting with your name on it…"

The dark haired man at the door hugged John Paul and Craig as they approached. Craig smiled at his old friend, his hairstyle might have changed over the years and its blackness was now peppered with hints of grey but his bright green eyes had lost none of their intensity.

"Sorry Adam," Craig said sheepishly, "We were just revisiting old haunts… Is Catelin really angry with us?"

"I'm sure she'll forgive you when you bat those puppy dog eyes at here!" Adam replied with a smile.

"Why Adam Johnson what are you implying?" Craig asked mischievously fluttering his eyelashes in an exaggerated manor.

Adam laughed with love and amusement. "Now are you coming inside or not? The party's waiting for its guest of honour."

Craig nodded his acceptance of the situation, there really was no way out of this and John Paul was right, Adam and his wife had been planning it for weeks.

He smiled as Adam turned and went back inside the house. There were times when his friendship with Adam had been a lifeline and times when it had been a curse but now, many years after they first met, Craig saw it for what it truly was, a blessing.

"Hold on a sec," Craig caught John Paul's hand and pulled him into his arms. "Did you ever think we'd get here?"

"To your 50th?" John Paul asked, "There were times YOU nearly didn't!"

"To my 50th," Craig repeated, "And still be together."

John Paul touched his lips softly to Craig's in a kiss they had shared so often and never grew weary of.

"Honestly," John Paul replied, "I never doubted it."

"Really?"

"Really! Once I got you do you think I was ever gonna let you get away again?"

Craig looked deeply into John Paul's brilliantly luminous blue eyes. They had both changed over the years in more ways than they could even remember, but whenever Craig took a moment to look into those eyes he still saw the 17 year old boy he had fallen in love with.

"Have I said how much I love you today?" Craig asked.

"Probably," John Paul told him, "But you can say it again…"

Craig touched his hand to John Paul's cheek; his skin was still so soft after all these years and Craig still loved to touch it.

"Do you remember the first time I told you that I loved you?"

"I remember…"

"We were hardly more than children… I didn't even know what love was… not really… I just knew I wanted to be with you more than I wanted anything else… and I still do… after all this time you're still all I need in this world to make me happy. I love you so much John Paul."

"Since the day I met you you're all I've ever needed," John Paul said with a soft smile, "You've been the only love in my life Craig Dean… the only love I've ever wanted."

The two men held each other quietly each lost in their own thoughts as they reflected back over the 30 years since they had first met.

"Thank you," Craig whispered.

"For what…"

"For loving me."

"It was the easiest thing I've ever done and I'm never gonna stop."

Their kiss was gentle and loving and as an essential part of their lives as breathing.

"Happy birthday Craig," John Paul said, "Now smile, you've got a party to attend."

---

**Epilogue No2**

The elderly man lay a single rose on the freshly dug mound of earth.

"Goodbye my love," he whispered sadly. They had both known this day would come but when it did he still felt the loss more sharply than he expected.

They had fought through so much to be together and when they finally made it they knew that there was only one thing left that could separate them, and in the end that thing won, no one can outrun their own mortality.

The man's eyes clouded as he read the words engraved on the large slab of marble that shone in the late morning sun.

"Here lies Craig Dean Aged 82. My one true love."

"Are you OK granddad?" The young woman standing by his side asked.

John Paul nodded as he smiled at her. His beautiful granddaughter. They might not have been related by blood but she was one of his own as much as her mother, the beautiful young girl he and Craig had adopted so many years ago to make their family complete.

"He was something special," John Paul said quietly.

"I know," she replied taking his hand, it felt frail in her grip as if there was such little substance left to him, so unlike the strong man she had always known.

As they turned from the grave the old man cast one last glance back to where his love lay.

"I'll see you soon," he whispered as he walked away.

---

He could feel the life slipping from him and he had no desire to fight to hold on to it. He had had a good life, a great life, but now that Craig was gone he had nothing left to hold on for.

Their family was grown and strong and didn't need him anymore and for the first time in his life John Paul felt truly tired, he was ready to sleep now, he was ready to let go.

He turned his face to the side in an effort to take one more look at the photograph by his bed but his eyesight was failing and he could only make out the vague shapes of the two young men in the picture.

His daughter saw where his gaze fell and moved to take the frame into her hands.

"You were both so handsome," she said quietly as she brought the picture close to him.

"He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen," John Paul said in a voice so low it could hardly be heard.

He looked into the deep brown eyes that he had loved for so long and smiled.

John Paul McQueen closed his eyes and found peace.

His chest rose and fell a few more times and then was still.

The woman replaced the photograph and placed a hand on the cheek of the man she had always known as her father, one of her fathers. A single tear ran down her cheek. She would miss him as much as she missed Craig, but she took comfort in the knowledge that they would be together again.

----

The light was so bright that he couldn't see and it made him blink with discomfort.

"What took you so long?"

He turned at the sound of the voice, the voice he knew as well as his own, better even.

He smiled at the young man standing before him. His hair was thick and it shone brightly; his eyes were the richest brown that he could ever imagine and his skin looked so soft that he wanted to reach out and touch it.

"Craig…"

"I've missed you."

John Paul reached out a hand and noticed that his own skin was bright and young and, reflected in Craig's eyes, he saw the 17-year-old boy he had once been.

As their lips touched the brightness of the light increased until it enveloped them.

The two young men held each other as eternity took hold of them, together, forever.

---

In 2006 in a school in Chester two young men met. The world didn't tremble at their meeting, there were no crashes of thunder, no beams of light and no heavenly choir sang.

In fact nothing remarkable happened at all. Nothing except that two young men suddenly felt that bit less lonely, they felt a little more whole, a little more complete.

They were never destined to change the world. They didn't right any great injustices or save any endangered species. They didn't cure poverty or hunger, they didn't end hate or war.

All they did was live their lives.

But they lived their lives well.

They found a love worth fighting for and they held it in their hearts forever.

They may not have changed the world but they touched the lives of everyone who ever knew them and in doing so they made the world a little brighter.

John Paul McQueen and Craig Dean knew love and, through knowing them, so did we.


End file.
